500 Things

A while ago I was challenged to write 100 things about myself. I like a challenge so I thought I’d make it 500 and what a perfect way to start this journal.

  1. I hate my first name yet it’s the one I hear most of all!
  2. I believe I would be able to survive if stranded on a desert island.
  3. I can play the drums but haven’t for nearly twenty years.
  4. I have won awards for dancing and twice for singing.
  5. I am deaf in my left ear and it’s getting worse – as is my right.
  6. I once melted all my toe nails off while walking on hot coals.
  7. I tell people I can’t swim but it’s a lie.
  8. I used to be nearly 25stone in weight.
  9. I own land but I’ve no idea how much or where it is or where I put the deed.
  10. I bought a title from Sealand and after researching it I found it it’s very fucking valid which makes me an actual Lord. But Sealand isn’t “officially recognised.”
  11. I swear more than anyone I know but turn it off very easily in polite company or in front of kids.
  12. When I was little I used to believe a nun rang me to give me advice, which I took.
  13. I once sneezed and broke my wrist.
  14. I never recruited anyone in to the religion I once followed although I was supposed to.
  15. I trained as a hypnotherapist.
  16. I once had a dream where I was Sean Paul and Nigel Harman was Blu Cantrell.
  17. I used to read Tarot card and have many of different packs.
  18. I still get upset over my nan.
  19. My favourite band is Erasure.
  20. I have toes like Monkey fingers apparently.
  21. I have five tattoo’s and want six more.
  22. I have four piercings and used to have seven others.
  23. I learnt Japanese for Business but have forgotten most of it and can now only ask for Mr Yamamoto in the accounting department please as well hello, good bye and thank you.
  24. I learnt Welsh.
  25. I have been a member of Mensa.
  26. In my head I have a top ten of best songs and it changes constantly.
  27. My favourite movie is Rebecca.
  28. My dad used to be one of the biggest importers of confectionery in the UK.
  29. I don’t understand birds.
  30. I used to write movie reviews.
  31. I talk that much that I forget what the original question was.
  32. I used to volunteer with Stonewall but left because some of their stuff pisses me off.
  33. My parents house is haunted but I struggle to believe in ghosts.
  34. I named a hamster Valerie as a tribute to Valerie Singleton.
  35. I also named one Verity as a tribute to Verity Lambert.
  36. Because of naming my first two hamsters with names beginning V I followed it up with Veronica and Vivienne yet named my Chinchilla Kevin.
  37. Kevin turned out to be a girl.
  38. My confidence is often mistaken for arrogance.
  39. I am arrogant.
  40. I have a disease on my spine that isn’t actually a disease it’s condition I was born with.
  41. I long to arrange a surprise party for my parents and invite all the children they fostered but I wouldn’t know where to start.
  42. I don’t believe anyone has ever seen a UFO but I do think we’re being watched.
  43. I’m gay.
  44. I share my nickname with Gary Barlow.
  45. I share my birthday with Jason Donovan.
  46. And Marilyn Monroe.
  47. I really miss fostering but I love having the house to ourselves.
  48. I once called my English teacher a cunt. He thanked me for being honest.
  49. I don’t think I’ll ever experience space travel yet it’s something I yearn for.
  50. I was accepted into the RAF but never took it up as I disagreed with my potential posting.
  51. I don’t believe in regrets.
  52. In the future I will design and build my own home.
  53. I have a strong theory about time travel but do not believe it will ever be possible.
  54. I believe I’m a strong and efficient leader and calm in a crisis.
  55. I appreciate music.
  56. I don’t take compliments very well and often believe people say them just to be nice.
  57. I have been known to question my very own existence.
  58. I once de-gloved one of my fingers.
  59. I have been in three pop videos and have been asked to front a fourth but will never tell anyone what they are before you ask.
  60. I have ran two people over by accident – it was their fault – but I aimed at a third one yet still speak to him and would consider him a friend.
  61. I have no self-respect.
  62. I think Maslow was just pointing out the obvious and he theories were not as special as people point out.
  63. I believe I have a talent, I just don’t know what it is yet.
  64. My brain is a constant spark of ideas which never amount to much.
  65. I love the music of the Cotton Club.
  66. I hated Buffy the Vampire Slayer until I met Brad.
  67. I once photocopied a page of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy many many times and posted each one to a friends house every day for about a year.
  68. I sometimes work as a drag queen.
  69. Only one person has ever got away with playing a prank on me. He is the same person I tried to run over.
  70. I find lack of continuity in films or tv programmes unacceptable and have often stopped watching because of it.
  71. Through a line of marriages I am related to Jeremy Kyle and Vince Earl (Ron Dixon from Brookie!)
  72. I think Kevin Smith is one of the greatest film directors ever and Peter Jackson is shit.
  73. This is the year I was born.
  74. I believe that I have drank enough coffee in my life that I no longer get a “buzz” from it and it no longer keeps me awake.
  75. I am jealous of people who have clear early childhood memories as my earliest is when I was seven. I think I have earlier ones but they are very very vague yet I cling to them as though they were clear images.
  76. My taste in music is huge.
  77. I wish I could draw.
  78. I am not as scary as some people think I am.
  79. I have eaten fried wasp.
  80. I have had all the X-rays your allowed in a life time but as I use different hospitals all the time with different medical records and I don’t tell my doctor, no one knows.
  81. I got my brown belt in Ju-Jitsu.
  82. I was mugged and beaten up by four blokes while walking back home from club. My ex didn’t believe me and thought
  83. I was having an affair and was using the mugging as an excuse. I had scars to prove it because I refused to fight back.
  84. I once broke my arm while racing the dog down the stairs. I jumped from the top to the bottom. The important thing is that I won the race.
  85. I don’t believe in fate.
  86. I hate the phrase “who’d have thunk it?”
  87. I once told a counsellor that if he didn’t stop paraphrasing I’d punch him. After a pause he told me he didn’t know what else to say.
  88. I turn my hearing aid off when boring people are talking and while I think about other things I pretend I’m listening.
  89. I am not ashamed that I had sex with a teacher during my last year of school
  90. And in my first year of college
  91. And in my first year of uni.
  92. I believe everyone, no matter how much you deny it, is racist and judgemental to a certain degree. What matters is how you handle it.
  93. I am a snob. I used to deny it but there is no point.
  94. I have made friends with people though writing a blog that I would trust implicitly with my life and the lives of those I love.
  95. When Stuart and I split up I began planning my life around being single and was happy with that. Four weeks later I met Brad. I know which is better.
  96. In the early 90’s I changed my name to get an equity card and never told my parents.
  97. Noisy eaters make me sick.
  98. I don’t think anyone will have read every single point on this list and that doesn’t bother me. I think people will read the first few then skip to the last few.
  99. I was once trained as a master coffee roaster and can tell you the difference between burr and blade grinders, robsuta and arabica coffee’s and wet and dry processing.
  100. This list took longer than I thought it would it’s easier than I imagined although I may have to slightly cheat.
  101. Since deciding to do this I am constantly questioning why.
  102. I surprise myself often.
  103. After talking with a friend about the nun I used to speak to as a child I heard her voice again.
  104. My parents don’t know about the nun.
  105. I question what I write in case I haven’t told Brad.
  106. I don’t think many of my friends realise how loyal I am.
  107. I am desperate to hear from someone in connection with the girl on the bridge. I want to know how she is.
  108. I can’t abide Tesco’s own brand filter coffee. It tastes like shit.
  109. I once had an “I know my name is Earl” moustache.
  110. A builder saw me naked once. It is not something either of us enjoyed.
  111. I have never pee’d in a shower.
  112. I hate socks and have a general dislike of shoes and would spend my life barefoot if I could.
  113. If I have breakfast I cannot leave the house for 30 minutes unless my journey is less that 20 minutes and the destination has a suitable toilet because 25 minutes after eating breakfast I’ll need a poo.
  114. This feels like confession.
  115. I believe I have become unemployable. I treat this as a positive thing.
  116. I would do anything for Brad. Quite literally anything.
  117. I have seen many dead bodies.
  118. My sense of humour ranges from infantile to sick.
  119. Making my will made me cry.
  120. I caught my father kissing another woman at my house warming.
  121. There are more productive things I could be doing with my time other than this list but the probably won’t be as enjoyable.
  122. I am allergic to citrus fruit.
  123. And tomatoes.
  124. And cinnamon.
  125. I’ve had one job where every member of staff has treated me fairly.
  126. My nan was a strict Methodist.
  127. I laugh if I’m being told off.
  128. Three weeks before moving to Ireland I had my ankle put in a cast because I damaged the tendons around my heel while putting a casserole dish away.
  129. I once skipped an entire Saturday by sleeping through it after doing a number of double shifts to cover other people.
  130. I believe that I am one of the worlds great stage and screen directors and have excelled at those productions I have done. Hollywood will be sorry to lose me, if they every find me.
  131. I am petrified of moths and butterflies.
  132. I believe that ants will and are planning to take over the world.
  133. I hate the phrase “okey dokey” because of what it reminds me of.
  134. I have been arrested a number of times.
  135. In the 29 days between splitting up with Stuart and meeting Brad I spent 27 of them drunk.
  136. I have broken all of my toes and all but one finger and one thumb.
  137. I think I can drive anything well.
  138. I had a nipple ring pulled out in a fight.
  139. I once stitched a celebrity nipple after he’d had the same thing happen to him.
  140. I have problems saying certain words and often have to pause slightly before I say them.
  141. I think Wolverine is the worst X-Men Character.
  142. Gambit is my favourite.
  143. I lost my virginity the day before my 13th birthday.
  144. I used to collect caps.
  145. I know more about fashion that people think, I just don’t see why I should follow it.
  146. I still giggle at Pam St. Clement.
  147. I think Mark Wootten is a comedy genius.
  148. I think Nick Frost (comedian/actor – not news-reader) is very cute.
  149. I believe if I entered the X-Factor I’d get to go to my judges boot camp but wouldn’t make the final 12. I may be very very wrong.
  150. I once entered Star In Your Eyes as Peter Cunnah from D:Ream. I was told I had a good voice but am not a good impersonator. I think she was just trying to be nice. I nearly went on as Darren Hayes a few years later.
  151. I have secrets from my childhood.
  152. I have a friend who can smell when snow is coming. She has never been wrong. I am jealous of her talent.
  153. I have absolutely no sense of direction.
  154. I have made various people believe that Shania Twain is really Sharon McTwain from Glasgow.
  155. I once convinced someone I was ten years older than I actually was and was part of the witness protection programme.
  156. I have been stuck on this one for about 20 minutes.
  157. My nan once told me that our family has a big secret. She never said what it was but I think my mother knows and I don’t think she’ll ever tell me.
  158. If God existed I don’t know what I’d ask him if I met him.
  159. I do not believe in God but have no problem with those that do. Each to their own. Faith and belief can be a big help at times.
  160. Brad and I get through more bread than anyone else I know.
  161. I quite often know exactly what I want to say but don’t know how to say it.
  162. I get disappointed when the post man drives past our house but I hate junk mail.
  163. I am never truthful on shoppers surveys if they get any part of my name or address wrong.
  164. I don’t understand how women find anything pleasurable from anal sex.
  165. I would love to see a boy take the Brownies/Guides to court for discrimination and a girl do the same to the Cubs/Scouts.
  166. I think the age of consent for sex should be 16 across the board. Not gender and sexuality biased bollocks it is now.
  167. As much as I’m for a womans right to an abortion I think the father should have a say in the matter.
  168. I don’t know if it’s because of the deafness but I hear the wrong song lyrics quite often. I’m quite sure Barry White sings “I’m like a deaf man who can’t get laid!
  169. Celine Dion thinks I’m charming.
  170. You’ve got my tankard.
  171. The actual Miss Whiplash, Lindi St. Clair, hates me. Poor ole’ Marian.
  172. I used to get very intimidated by people I “fancied.”
  173. An ex once gave me real heart (I don’t think it was human) and said “this is mine, take it and don’t ever break it, just be honest and give it me back when you no longer want it.” I handed it straight back.
  174. I do not believe in newspaper/magazine astrology and think they are all crap. How can someone know what one twelfth of the worlds population is going to do on one certain day? We can’t all meet a tall dark stranger and win a bag of Doritos!
  175. I think I’m taller than I actually am.
  176. Because of my issues with birds (see earlier) I often have difficulty actually seeing them in the air because my brain doesn’t understand how they can be there.
  177. A number of years ago I got angry and kicked a billboard. The wood bounced back and hit me and threw me to the floor and I broke my arm.
  178. I would love to join the Masons just to see what they do.
  179. I think Dan Brown is a talentless plagiarists with no imagination.
  180. I agree with Randall Graves and his description of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
  181. I don’t think people take my liking of football seriously and think I only watch for the footballers.
  182. I don’t think we’ll ever know who actually used Llwnt first. I say Juzzzy, he says me.
  183. I played Amos in a college production of Chicago.
  184. I hate making tea in a cup and would rather make a pot full and only have one cup out of it than put a tea bag in a mug.
  185. I hate tea bags.
  186. I think Hillie knew exactly what I was saying to her.
  187. I speak Spanish.
  188. This conversation once took place that still makes me laugh:
    • Her: What do you do?
    • Me: I’m a juggler.
    • Her: What’s that? Is it like a doctor?
    • Me: Yes. Of clubs and balls.
  189. I once fell off a bus-stop while spinning to turn into Wonder Woman.
  190. When I’ve done this list I’m going to play some Playstation.
  191. Andy Bells voice gives me shivers.
  192. I use more pepper than salt.
  193. I think Herbet Brenon is one of the greatest film directors ever.
  194. I like my tea weak but my coffee strong.
  195. My nan was born in 1912.
  196. My grandfather as born in 1913
  197. I believe a good radio host should make me feel like he or she is talking directly to me.
  198. I’m amazed I got this far.
  199. I used to like the quote “If you live to be 100 I hope I live to be 100 minus one day so I never have to live a day without you.” but then I don’t like thinking of Brad being in sorrow for one day.
  200. I still get annoyed that they made Starbuck female.
  201. I have to wonder why I agreed to this.
  202. I’ve usually had three coffees before I get to work.
  203. I know that Hush Puppies made the shoes for Dr. Evil and Mini-me from Austin Powers but I don’t know why I know that.
  204. I like to think I don’t have an accent but I know that I do.
  205. I have a particular way I have to eat sandwiches.
  206. I cannot write bio’s about myself on web sites.
  207. I hate cereal with fruit in it apart from muesli or granola.
  208. I can crack my thumbs
  209. I can only crack my fingers if I’ve spent the day typing.
  210. I once had an semi-erotic dream about Jonathan Ross. I have always disliked Jonathan Ross, even before the dream!
  211. It was only semi-erotic because he kept saying no.
  212. I think Mindy Sterling is one the funniest comic actresses ever. She does a good straight roll as well.
  213. I hate the font Comic Sans
  214. In 2001 out of pure boredom I took two GCSE’s. One in Business Machines and one in Religious Studies.
  215. I never attended a lesson and had no idea what the exam would be on.
  216. I got an A* for Business Machines and a B for Religious Studies.
  217. That fact scares me very much.
  218. I like the fact that I’ve found a way to make one fact about me extend over four points in this list.
  219. It makes writing this list easier.
  220. See how I did it again then?
  221. Of course it doesn’t make for interesting reading now does it if I just pad things out all the time!
  222. I once slipped on ice and slid into my car.
  223. Even before I saw the film Dreamcatcher I would picture my brain as a room filled with filing cabinets.
  224. In club once some one said to me “aren’t you Gazza’s friend?” I didn’t understand the reference until later but then couldn’t find him in the club. Once outside he was there throwing up and being told he was barred by the doormen. I laughed lots. At him. In his face. Until he breathed on me.
  225. I once threw-up on over partners cock. He dumped me. I didn’t blame him. I was very drunk.
  226. He was the manager of a night-club and he told the staff that he dumped me because I’d cheated on him. I told them the truth. Some people still believe him. I don’t care.
  227. I am quite happy for everyone to have their own opinion but sometimes it might appear that I don’t.
  228. Battle Royale was an excellent film. Battle Royale 2 was not.
  229. Hunger Games was a poor version of Battle Royale
  230. People who refuse to watch foreign films because they either can’t be arsed to read subtitles or don’t like things being dubbed shouldn’t be allowed to watch films at all – in my opinion.
  231. Subtitles are much better than dubbed films – in most cases.
  232. I have never had a surprise birthday party.
  233. I have been hospitalised by my own dogs twice and had an ambulance called once.
  234. I have injured myself a lot.
  235. My cousin convinced me Smurfs were real when I was little and that if you ate them you’d die.
  236. She also convinced me that small plastic toy Smurfs used to be real but were now dead and covered in rubber and sold to kids as toys.
  237. I burst into tears when she put a small Smurf toy in her mouth because I thought she was going to die.
  238. A few years later she pierced my ears for me with a hot needle and a cork.
  239. A few years later she glued all my fingers together with super glue.
  240. A few years later she stapled a hat to my head.
  241. When I was 17 I ran a jewellery business with her.
  242. I haven’t spoken to her since 2000 and I’m happy to keep it that way.
  243. I watch the Director’s Commentary edition of films on DVD’s
  244. I’d like to own a night-club.
  245. And a hotel.
  246. I am too sarcastic.
  247. My mother, at 5ft1, is the tallest person on her side of the family.
  248. I do not find Sasha Baron Cohen funny.
  249. I will never understand why some people in certain professions need to get paid so much. Fireman (and such like) deserve more than footballers and politicians.
  250. I once tried to learn Russian for a part in a play and the only words I can now remember are atom and cat.
  251. I have a UK pension that allows me to retire at 55.
  252. I haven’t paid into my pension since I was 22.
  253. I sing in the shower.
  254. I often say exactly what I’m thinking.
  255. Sometimes I say it twice because I think I’ve only thought it the first time.
  256. I got an A at GCSE Electronics.
  257. I have lost count of how many times I have electrocuted myself.
  258. If I could afford it I’d have a room filled with green plants and a couple of comfy chairs.
  259. If I’d did owe a night-club I’d call it “Twenty Ten Twenty Twenty-Nine”
  260. I had a lump on the side of my head that the doctors refused to look at it.
  261. When it started to get bigger they started paying attention.
  262. I do not have a favourite sandwich filling.
  263. I personally think I’d be a good carpenter, I just don’t have the tools to try it or the inclination to go and buy them.
  264. I would not make a good plumber.
  265. I enjoyed Berlin
  266. I’d like Brad to take part in MasterChef or Come Dine With Me as I know he’d win.
  267. I would lose.
  268. I used to have an “I killed Laura Palmer” sticker on my car and I thought I was so cool!
  269. I have never completed a Times Crossword.
  270. I have never attempted a Times Crossword.
  271. When we had no TV or internet I made loads of key-rings and watched approximately 144 hours of Buffy.
  272. I can roast coffee beans with a popcorn roaster.
  273. I can also do it with a saucepan.
  274. I rarely pee standing up.
  275. I paper the seat in a public loo.
  276. After I’ve cleaned it!
  277. I can put a condom up my nose and bring it out of my mouth.
  278. I love Lego.
  279. And Play-doh
  280. I can make a picture frame from a piece of paper.
  281. I find humour attractive.
  282. I think anyone who says looks aren’t important is lying. It may not be the most important thing but it’s still something to consider.
  283. I used to make clocks out of vinyl picture discs and sell them to my mates at school.
  284. I made Brad a clock out of books.
  285. We have the biggest movie collection of anyone I know.
  286. When learning short-hand I could never read back the word kitchen. It never made any sense.
  287. When learning double entry accounting I got sooo bored when the lecturer went on about Pacioli that I walked out. “Do you need the toilet?” he asked, “something like that,” I replied and I went and sat in the canteen as I already knew far more than him about Pacioli (I did say I was arrogant!)
  288. My electronics teacher once pulled me from the student common room to his classroom by my hair.
  289. About four weeks earlier I’d given him permission to do it if he had to.
  290. And signed a piece a paper saying so.
  291. Which was then witnessed by the other guy in the class.
  292. The first injury I ever tended to was when I was about 12 and my mother sliced the to of her thumb off with a ring-pull.
  293. The first incident I saw as a nurse was a man with three nails in his hand.
  294. The first incident I saw with the ambulance service was a decapitation.
  295. I have astigmatism in both eyes.
  296. I have never really understood what that means but I have glasses for it that I only wear when my eyes feel bad or I have a headache.
  297. I passed my driving test on my second go.
  298. On the first test I hit a milk float.
  299. My instructor was an ex police instructor.
  300. He was also my paternal grand-fathers best man.
  301. I’ve got a lump behind my knee that the doctor has said is an insect bite with an egg in it.
  302. If I have it removed it’ll scar for life.
  303. If I leave it it’ll just fall out and heal over.
  304. It’s been there about twenty years now.
  305. I don’t understand quantum physics.
  306. Or normal physics either actually
  307. I’d love a professional photoshoot done with me in various fashionable outfits and also very little.
  308. I beieve dogs see “other” things to us.
  309. I steal a tea spoon from the restaurants if it’s an important or memorable meal.
  310. I once poked a biro into Jim Davidson’s ass.
  311. While working as a nurse a drunk casualty gave me his house keys to look after. He died that night. I still have his house keys.
  312. I used to host my own radio show.
  313. My first pet was a black and white Border Collie called Twiggy.
  314. When I was 10 a doctor told me I’d grow to be 6ft and wouldn’t stop growing until I was 30.
  315. He was wrong on both counts.
  316. I hated Queer As Folk and still think Russell T. Davies is a wanker who can’t write for shit.
  317. My parents used to have a carved wooden picture of a viking longboat. One day, while it was on the floor and not hanging on the wall (I don’t know why) I pushed it along as though it was a real ship and had a split of wood go in one side of my hand and come out the other.
  318. I was circumcised when I was 21.
  319. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life.
  320. I have size 11 feet.
  321. I am happy for anyone to have my mobile phone number as I can refuse calls.
  322. You’ll be lucky if you ever have my home number.
  323. I’ve had two stalkers.
  324. When I asked an ex to describe me in one word he said “AbFab”
  325. He admitted that using that was cheating so then said “bald.”
  326. I called him a cunt.
  327. Of all my ex’s he is the one I’m closest to and speak to the most.
  328. Up until we moved to Ireland I had a private number plate on my car.
  329. The film that scares me the most is The Elephant Man. I have to watch it in three parts and still have nightmares after each part.
  330. I have no idea why.
  331. I have a friend who used to come with me to nursing lectures just for the hell of it.
  332. I can’t have my sign language course paid for even though I’m going to need them in a few years.
  333. I tried to replace a car window once (side not front or back) on my own. I tightened the mechanism up too much and the glass shattered all over me and went in my eyes.
  334. While my parents were on holiday I took my fathers Range Rover out and lost the keys. I got a taxi to take me home for the spare set. When we got back to it the keys were on the floor by the door.
  335. A neighbour told him I’d been out in the car.
  336. While the neighbour was away I painted her windows pink.
  337. Me and my friend Sam got very drunk and slept in my car using a wet wipe each as a blanket.
  338. I cannot cross my fingers.
  339. I can cross my toes.
  340. A psychic once told me I’d have four kids and would marry the girl I’d arrived with. I told her she was wrong as I was gay and the girl was my cousin. She told me to stop lying to her to try and catch her out.
  341. There are certain songs that will always make me cry. Two of them are hymns.
  342. I’d love to own a potters wheel.
  343. My pottery teacher was in the original Dr. Doolittle film.
  344. I often wonder what they’ll find when they develop a better more powerful microscope.
  345. I think the same about telescopes
  346. I have difficulty controlling my hand and eye co-ordination when looking in a mirror.
  347. I have £1 in a Co-op bank account that has been there since 1997. I have no idea how to access it.
  348. I once dated a guy who asked asked if we could rent out the spare room to a girl from his work. I agreed and a week or so later they started sleeping together!
  349. We split up but for some reason stayed friends and I continued to let them live with me.
  350. She asked if we could rent out the other spare room to one of the other waitresses. I agreed and a week or so later she started sleeping with her.
  351. He came back to me.
  352. I told him where to go so he went back to her. She said no so he started seeing the new house mate.
  353. I haven’t seen any of them since 98 but hear that he and the 2nd girl and still together.
  354. I could spend hours looking round stationary shops.
  355. I can’t stand Marilyn Manson.
  356. The most important discovery I made while being a venture scout is how to make alcohol.
  357. It made us very ill and our venture group was closed down.
  358. I love all things Egypt and would love to cruise along the Nile and am learning to read Hieroglyphics.
  359. I don’t like fizzy cola bottles.
  360. Or any other sour sweets.
  361. After shuffling a pack of cards and splitting it into four piles I can make an ace appear at the top of each one.
  362. One of our foster kids told his mother and the social services that I was the Godfather.
  363. One of Brad’s mom’s foster kids told the social services that Brad was the daddy because he goes to work and comes home and sits down and I was the mommy because I do all the cooking and cleaning.
  364. I make my own biscuits.
  365. I can blow smoke rings.
  366. I was once described as the straightest gay man ever. I was the only gay person they’d met at the time.
  367. I do not need to watch a film all the way though to find out if I’m going to like it and can usually tell within the first 15 minutes.
  368. I am rarely wrong with the above.
  369. I know that cockney rhyming slang was invented for almost the same reason as sign language.
  370. I can only drink two pints of cider as it has an affect on me very quickly and after the first pint I can already feel myself getting drunk.
  371. I think the most beautiful woman in the world is my mother.
  372. I am not a fan of gold jewellery.
  373. When I worked on A&E the sister defended me in front of the admins and told them that I wouldn’t be me if I took my earrings out. As such I was the only male member of staff allowed to wearing any earrings I wanted while working. All the others had to wearing small studs or loops.
  374. I have a vast collection of watches.
  375. I have never completed any of the Tomb Raider games.
  376. I find Alan Carr funny on his own but not with Justin Lee Collins.
  377. I was a fan of Dallas.
  378. And Dynasty.
  379. And The Colbys.
  380. My favourite was Falcon Crest.
  381. I did not like Knots Landing.
  382. I find Paddy McGunniess attractive.
  383. I was once told I sound like a gay Frank Skinner.
  384. My mother always told me that cards celebrating events should stay for one week. The only exception is Chrsitmas cards which stay up until the 6th January.
  385. I do not understand the ending of Donnie Darko but I did enjoy the film.
  386. I end up in arguments with friends because I think Margaret Thatcher did a lot of good.
  387. I am a Royalist but don’t really like Prince Charles.
  388. I used to have my cock pierced.
  389. I think David Gest was a freak.
  390. So is Elton John.
  391. I would like to learn to play the Xylophone.
  392. I was once arrested for being drunk and disorderly, breaking and entering and public indecency.  All in the same night.
  393. I have three recurring dreams that I have about four times each a year.
  394. Barry Norman once called me a fucking bastard.
  395. I have no faith in the British Justice system.
  396. My dog that lived with my parents was named after Hopeton House in Scotland.
  397. I like my steak blue.
  398. Derek Acorah is a big fake.
  399. I can knit.
  400. And crochet.
  401. And sew.
  402. I could play Halo, Fable or Blood Omen over and over again.
  403. I used to work for QVC.
  404. And Sky.
  405. And VH-1.
  406. I get very pissed off when a programme is advertised as live (“Live at five on four!”) when it’s recorded the night before.
  407. I think I’m the only person in the world who would like to see Noel’s House Party return.
  408. I believe my grandad came and told me everything was okay two days after he died. I think it’s more likely that I was dreaming as I don’t believe in ghosts.
  409. I can sign my mothers signature. Even she can’t tell the difference.
  410. My sign-name (BSL//ISL) is the sign for pink while Brad’s is the sign for man!
  411. I am the only person in my family who can carry on the family name.
  412. Being gay I will not be carrying on the family name.
  413. This sometimes upsets me.
  414. For Christmas one year I got a set of knee and elbow pads for skate boarding. I didn’t own a skateboard and had never tried it so gave them away. In the summer of the following year I began skate boarding and injured myself many times, which wouldn’t have happened if I’d have had the pads.
  415. I would help anyone with anything if I’m able and get pissed off when others won’t help me.
  416. I only ever wanted to join the RAF because my Grandfather was in it.
  417. I do very loud sneezes and can’t help it.
  418. I once grew a moustache for a play and ended up looking like Howard from Last of the Summer wine.
  419. For my A-level film studies exam we had to compare Robocop to Valdimir Propp’s theory of fairy tales.
  420. I got so pissed off and bored with my history teacher at school that I lit a cigarette up in the class just to see him get angry. He sent me out the room and I winked and said “I’ll bet you feel alive now!”
  421. I was an arrogant fucker at school and suspended a number of times but never expelled.
  422. I got the cane twice in my first year.
  423. The teacher that gave me the cane became head-master of a village primary school, which he got the sack from after pornographic images of little boys was found in his desk drawer.
  424. The head of the lower school (11 to 13 year olds) was call Mr. Lunt. We called him Eric.
  425. The only thing I can say in German is “My hamster is dead”
  426. In Dutch I can say “suck this bitch”
  427. My nan asked me to help her die.
  428. I’m very proud that one of my oldest friends went on active duty with the Navy during the first Gulf War even though I don’t speak to him anymore.
  429. As the curtain opened of a play I was in I was supposed to be on the phone talking away. As the curtain came up the cable of the phone got caught in one of the curtain tassels and took the phone up into the air and as it went past it smacked me on the chin. When the curtain stopped the phone dropped and hit the stage so I picked it, shouted “darling it’s doing it again!” and then said “sorry about that, now where was I?”
  430. I can touch type.
  431. I wouldn’t make a very good spy because I’d often be over heard whispering saying “Don’t tell anyone but I’m a spy!”
  432. I used to be a club DJ and only did it because people thought I was cool. I thought I was an arrogant wanker.
  433. I used to to hitch-hike all over the country.
  434. I once forgot the name of the person I was having sex with.
  435. I have slept in a skip.
  436. I was a “Founder Member” on BCUK.
  437. If I’m hanging out clothes on a washing line with coloured pegs each item of clothing has to have the same coloured pegs.
  438. Because of the above I try to only buy wooden pegs.
  439. I hate yoghurts with fruit it in but will happily tip the fruity corner of a Muller into my yoghurty corner.
  440. Brad proposed to me in Bulgaria by a moonlit swimming pool on August 15th 2006.
  441. My favourite food is Chicken Fried Rice.
  442. I put ice in my milk. Brad finds this strange.
  443. I got my hearing aid on the 27th October 2006. I should have had it long before then but never admitted I was deaf.
  444. I can jive, cha-cha, salsa, waltz and tap dance. All badly.
  445. I can ice-skate but I haven’t for years.
  446. I once walked around on a broken ankle for three weeks not knowing it was broken.
  447. If I hear screeching breaks I wince.
  448. A friend and I went to a fancy dress as Posh & Becks. Her costume comprised of a pair of sunglasses and mine was some beige jeans (with glitter in the material!) and a mohican hair-do. Everyone knew who we were.
  449. I think Arnold Schwarzenegger is an awful emotionless actor and his wife is insane.
  450. I like to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car.
  451. Unless they are allergic to it or have tried it before I think people who won’t at least try new food are idiots.
  452. So much so that the hairs on the back of my neck stand-up and I feel myself getting angry when people saying “I don’t like it” and they haven’t even tried it. The same goes for TV programmes they have never watched!
  453. I dislike Michael Schumacher but respect him and is driving skills.
  454. Jaques Villineuve was my favourite driver.
  455. David Sanches is insanely attractive.
  456. If it didn’t sound pretentious or wasn’t so expensive I’d drink champagne on nights out.
  457. I could spend days walking round art galleries and museums.
  458. I think I am a better artist than Hirst or Emin and all the other wasters like them. I just don’t have the money or backing or know-how (publicity wise) to create the things I think of.
  459. I shudder when I wonder what my ancestors will think about us.
  460. I don’t believe in the phrase that you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.
  461. I am stubborn in my opinions but I am happy to have my opinion changed on something if someone can convince me otherwise.
  462. It has never been explained sufficiently enough (in my mind anyway) why some people are frightened of me and I’d love to know.
  463. I cannot go to sleep without some form of noise… other than snoring!
  464. I once swallowed the ball off the top of my tongue bar. I found it a few days later.
  465. From the second I saw Luke Skywalker I wanted to be him.
  466. I also wanted to be Starbuck.  Dirk Benedicts Starbuck, not Katie Sackoff.
  467. I drink way too many fizzy drinks.
  468. I have HUGE body image issues.
  469. No matter how much I try I cannot seem to give up smoking.
  470. I’ve had quite a few operations.
  471. I think I’d be an amazing leader of a country.
  472. I eat too many cereals.
  473. I am missing the a front middle tooth from my bottom set.
  474. I’m a Toastmaster
  475. I watch at least six films a week.
  476. I love my Mercedes.
  477. I kill plants.  Not on purpose like.
  478. I don’t read enough.
  479. I take my coffee strong with no milk or sugar.
  480. I take my tea weak with no milk but sometimes some sugar.
  481. I hate shows like “Real Housewives” etc.  They’re not real!  There’s nothing real about them!
  482. I don’t drink often but when I do I love whiskys and bourbons.
  483. My favourite cartoon growing up was Battle of the Planets.
  484. Mary McDonnell is amazing actor.  One of the best in her generation.
  485. So is Lawrence Olivier, Joan Fontaine and Mark Strong.
  486. If it wasn’t for bullet points I wouldn’t have a clue how many I’d typed.
  487. Biopic.  It’s bio-pic.  Not bi-opic.  Biographical Picture.
  488. I don’t listen to voicemail message left on my phone.  My outgoing messages says so.
  489. I will fight for equality for all until the day I die but I know it’ll never come.  Some will always be more equal than others.
  490. My first care was a VW Beetle 1303i.  Registration TEA 310L
  491. I got stuck on a broken roller coaster at Alton Towers.  When they got us off we were given free entry tickets.  On the day we came back the same thing happened on a different ride.
  492. I play the piano badly.
  493. And the guitar
  494. And the spoons
  495. I learned the recored in school and played one of the massive ones but doubt I could do it again.
  496. I would like to own a isolation tank.  Like the kind you float in.
  497. I wish they’d bring back Band of Gold.
  498. I love standing outside in the pouring rain.
  499. Carnal Knowledge was one of my favourite quiz shows.
  500. I’ve just written a list of 500 things about me.
About Rob 32 Articles
Bear. Heart of lion, pecs like dinner plates, mind of whore.