My top ten best films of 2017

Lets be honest here twenty-seventeen hasn’t been a great year for movies. I’m quite sure many will disagree. Good for you. If I was to compile a top ten of the last ten years then it’s doubtful one would include any of these. Harsh? Maybe. Opinionated? Totally. But isn’t that the point. If a film isn’t in this list there are only two reasons. Either it wasn’t good enough – the most common reason, or I didn’t see it. I’m not going to review something I haven’t seen! Reviewers don’t do that surely?

Anyway, here’s my top ten of 2017. You may be shocked by what took the number one spot but read why before shooting me down. Not one movie gets a ten out of ten.

10. Kingsman: The Golden Circle (6/10)

 This film is essentially rubbish. As sequels go it is inoffensive but as movies go it attacks every all the senses. So what has it done that it warrants a place on the top ten?

Well there are four reasons to watch this.

  1. You get to see five oscar winners at their lowest point.
  2. Taron Egerton isn’t bad to look at.
  3. The humour is nicely done and gives a good giggle.
  4. Elton John is hysterical. He makes this film. He makes it worth watching and HE is the reason it makes the top ten.

9. Wonder Woman (6/10)

The action is good, the CGI is meh, the story is okay-ish. What makes this film is Gal Gadot. Her performance as Diana Prince is brilliant. This movie was destined to face criticism from die hard Wonder Woman fans, just like every comic book based movie ever, but Gadot deserves recognition for owning Wonder Woman. She certainly knocked Lynda Carter off my number one spot.


8. Guardians of the Galaxy `Vol. 2.

Although this could easily be deemed as “how not to do a sequel” it actually works quite well. All the characters interact well and Chris Pratt seems to happily share the limelight with his fellow stars. The cinematography is amazing and just the first this colourful movie delivers a nice level of humour. The story is pish though.


7. Spider-Man: Homecoming (7/10)

This movie could have easily made it higher but one thing let it down. Iron Man. Stop putting Iron Man in every bloody Marvel film! Yes, he’s an integral part of the Avengers films but so are many of the other characters! Thankfully Tom Holland managed to ensure this was a success. A few fans moaned at the lack of an exploration of his other powers but in my mind it’s just that he hasn’t found them yet and gives them something for the sequel.


6. Star Wars: The Last Jedi (7/10)

For the sake of full disclosure I’m a massive Star Wars fan. This is, by far, the worst Star Wars film of the lot. It’s lucky to get a seven out of ten. Most of the cast do a great job. Most. Sadly the writing lets them down. This would have been better titled “Star Wars: Carry on Luke!” as the childish humour throughout ruined what could have been an amazing film with the chance to really show how Luke had become a great teacher like those Jedi before him. I felt very let down.


5. T2 Trainspotting (8/10)

It would be wrong to say Danny Boyle can do no wrong, especially when you look at the opening ceremony of the London Olympics or Vacuuming Completely Nude in Paradise but, when he does it right he really does it right. T2 Trainspotting is great. While the first one put it’s fingers deep into your brain and roots around making you feel uncomfortable, this sequel does the same to your soul. Everyone, regardless of their past experiences, can relate to the moving on through ones life and the reconnection with ones youth. The four main actors took on the roles as though they’d being playing them every day since the first one. This was them and Boyle at their best.


4. I Called Him Morgan (8/10)

This documentary into the death of Lee Morgan is a must see. There’s no acting as it’s all done using archive footage of Lee himself, his partner Helen and the other people in his life. You don’t need to be a fan of jazz to enjoy this film. Be warned, this is not a story of his life but a look at the events leading up to his death and it’s done very very well.


3. Get Out (8/10)

They say first impression last (I hold no truck with that statement) so introducing yourself a director with this film was a stroke of genius for Jordan Peele. Daniel Kaluuya, who suffered through Johnny English Reborn and Kick Ass 2 does an amazing job in the lead role and had great writing to help him along. The casual racism in the beginning made me feel uncomfortable, as it should, and the twists and turns throughout the film kept me guessing. I pride myself on being able to work out plots in films and television shows quite quickly, a skill my partner will test to, but this kept me guessing until the very last moment. You need to watch this.


2. Split (8/10)

Lets get one thing out the way right now – M. Night Shyamalan is an awful writer. You disagree? Good for you. I’m pleased for you. I also don’t care. His writing is akin to Dan Brown – childlike. His plot twists are predicable within minutes and the stories complete dribble. I read one review of this movie that said “The plot twist, trust me, this time your mind will be blown!” – No. NO. For a start the bloody movie poster gave you a massive clue!

So why this is at number two? Why does it get an eight out of ten? One name – James McAvoy. I’ve always rated him as a good actor and this shifts him from good to utterly amazing! He is taking on so many different characters in this film and he does it so so well. With the voice work alone you could easily believe each character is played by a different actor but with the added body language changes McAvoy does incredibly work. I wanted to hate this film. I wanted to hate it because of M. Night Shyamalan. But I can’t because of McAvoy.


1. War for the Planet of the Apes (8/10)

So you’re probably wonder how this movie, this third in the series, managed to get to number one. You see the plot isn’t great. It’s more of a disagreement than a war, a skirmish if you will. It’s very much B movie material.

One of the big criticisms this movie got was that the characters were difficult to relate to. Of course they were! You’re human so in a movie you psychologically put yourself in the role of a human. Most of the humans in this weren’t very nice because, as far they were concerned, they were at war. It told you that apes are better than humans. For want of a cliche apes were more humane! You couldn’t relate because you’re telling yourself that if this happened you wouldn’t become like the majority of humans shown. Of course you wouldn’t. Now, lets start a war (again) and see if that’s true! Pish! You’d do all you could to survive. I would. They would. You would! Get over it.

So again, why is this number one. Have you watched the film? Disagree with me? Go watch it again. Nearly ALL of the footage you see if CGI. Yes, you’re essentially watching a cartoon. A cartoon that has some of the best animation I’ve ever seen. This movie is a salute to the technical advances of it’s day and the genius of those technicians that created it. Ignore the lack of plot and watch it for the masterpiece it truly is.

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Bear. Heart of lion, pecs like dinner plates, mind of whore.