Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Parallel Universes

I’ve been ill for the last five days. Proper sick like. Fluids coming out of every hole but you don’t need to know about that.

During my sick time I’ve been spending a lot of time alone (on the toilet) and either reading or thinking, while not screaming out in frustration or pain or strain. One of the things I’ve been thinking about is parallel universes, or univi if you will.

I have decided they don’t exist.

So, for those of you that don’t know (and I doubt there are many) there is this theory that there are an infinite number of parallel univi. In this univi people are living your life but with at least one difference. This difference could be tiny or it could be huge but it’s the one thing differentiates this universe from that one.

Somewhere there is a universe where I’m EXACTLY the same as I am now but someone on the other side of the world is different. Somewhere there is a me that has no chest hair, or a me that can’t drive and even a me that doesn’t like movies. There is also a me that has all of those differences.

These difference could also be on multiple people, so while I’m strutting around with only nine toes, Brad Pitt has never been famous and Elvis really does work in the chip round the corner.

Well, I think this is all bollocks. There are absolutely zero parallel univi.

My reasoning is very similar to that of my reasoning for the impossibility of time travel.

It can’t be possible because someone would have come back and told us.

Often people say “Yeah, but when it’s invented it’ll be kept secret or heavily regulated so no one will know which is why you think no one has come back.”

No, more bullshit. Regardless of rules or regulations someone somewhere would come back and tell us. Look at the movie “Looper” for example. Time travel has been invented and criminals use it. If time travel had been invited we’d know it and it would not be a secret. We don’t, so ergo it hasn’t. And never will be.

The next argument that often comes is “But it hasn’t been invented yet! When it is, THEN they’ll come back.” Seriously, do you hear yourself?  By the way, read this entry about the “Grandfather Paradox“.

This time travel busting theory works for parallel univi.

If there is a parallel universe for every single and multiple differences then it stands to reason as well as there being a universe where Ben Affleck didn’t steal my career there is also a universe where someone has invented a way of being able to connect with every universe that exists. As such we would know about it.

I know what you’re going to say. “Maybe they have done it people have been back here, we just don’t know about it.”

Do you know, that makes sense. To certain point. Lets look again though – there is a parallel universe for EVERY difference. Which means there is a universe where someone has created a way of contacting every parallel universe AND announcing their arrival and letting everyone know.

“But surely there’s a universe where someone invented what you said and went to every universe but this one?”

Yep, there totally is so surely that means the universe where they contacted everyone doesn’t exist and as there is a universe for EVERY eventuality that means one of those two univi can’t exist.

This means none of them can exist because it’s either all of nothing.

So you see, I’ve had a stupid amount of time alone and my brain has gone off on a tangent.

In other news it’s supposed to be my first day back at university today but I’m in no fit state. You’ll never know how much that pisses me off.

A short love story.

It was a warm August evening in the Midlands when I decided, after a long and stressful day, to go for a drink after work. Walking into the bar I was disappointed to see the place packed to the drawstrings with men and women in power suits either celebrating or commiserating a days work. I knew none of them and didn’t want to. I just wanted to drink and and forget. The wrong attitude but I didn’t do it often.

I ordered a pint and looked around for the chance of a seat at an empty table where I could gather my thoughts, relax and look forward to tomorrow being a new day with fresh adventures and the possibility of some excitement.

The only free seat in the entire venue was at a table where a young and handsome man sat. One of the few people in the place not in a suit but instead in jeans and blue and yellow short sleeve shirt.

“Is this seat taken?” I asked. He shook his head and with his foot pushed the seat out inviting me to sit.

We sat in silence for a short while, both of us secretly eyeing the other one up while supping from our pints.

Before long we struck up a conversation. His boat had docked that morning and now he had a few days leave so had decided to explore his surroundings. After hours of walking the city he’d found this bar, empty when he arrived, and took himself a drink and time to relax and to think about his day, while we also talked about sleep sex and other interesting things. His thoughts took him to his future and now, a few months shy of a birthday, he wondered if he wanted to remain in the navy at all. He told me of his turmoil, how he’d always wanted to serve his country and had done so with pride but now it was time for something new.

I jokingly suggested that as he was on shore leave and I was lonely that we leave, elope, disappear and carve out a new life for us both.

He smiled, finished his pint and took my hand. “Come on then!” he said.
“What, now? Really?!”
“Sure,” he replied, “lets do it!”

That was August 21st 2002 and now, as we begin our eighteenth year together, we’re still exploring our world and each other and loving every moment of it.

Oh and by the way not all of that story is true but I’ll leave it up to you to work out what’s what.

100 Reasons

One hundred reason why I love Brad.

    1. You love me unconditionally.
    2. You’re gorgeous!
    3. You’re kind.
    4. You’re considerate.
    5. You’re hot!
    6. You’re intelligent.
    7. You make me laugh.
    8. You make me smile.
    9. You’re a fantastic cook.
    10. You’re funny.
    11. The way you look at me.
    12. You’re sensational in bed.
    13. You’re romantic.
    14. You put me first.
    15. You forgive.
    16. You tell me you love me often.
    17. You listen.
    18. You can hold a conversation.
    19. You’re accepting.
    20. You’re tolerant.
    21. You care.
    22. You care for others.
    23. You’re patient.
    24. You buy me chocolate.
    25. How you make me feel when I look into your eyes.
    26. Your eyes!
    27. That nothing matters when we’re together.
    28. You treat everyone with respect.
    29. You tell crap jokes.
    30. You tell good jokes.
    31. You don’t want me to change.
    32. You accept me for who I am.
    33. You protect me.
    34. You touch my heart.
    35. You make me feel like I’m the most important person in your life.
    36. You laugh at stupid things.
    37. You comfort me with just a look.
    38. Your kiss makes me forget everything else around me.
    39. You dance.
    40. You’re often the first on the dance floor.
    41. You’re passionate about the things you care about.
    42. You married me.
    43. You bring me coffee.
    44. You look incredible in the shower.
    45. And amazing in a suit!
    46. You have great dress sense. (Apart from the pope shoes!)
    47. You put up with me ranting about technology when the issue is obviously a PEBCAK
    48. You fix my technology.
    49. Regardless of how I dress you tell me I look nice or good or amazing. (I know what each one means).
    50. You taught me what love really is.
    51. Because of how you run.
    52. You’re willing to learn new things.
    53. You love me even when I’m being a complete asshole.
    54. Your chili is incredible.
    55. The way you do that thing. You know.
    56. You let me be lazy.
    57. Your hugs are like being wrapped in a warm blanket.
    58. You stop me from being lazy.
    59. You don’t judge my failures.
    60. You have a hot ass!
    61. You make me feel confident.
    62. You come to Toastmasters when I really want you to.
    63. You spoil me.
    64. You love my family.
    65. You let me choose what we watch.
    66. You have a chest that is the worlds most perfect pillow.
    67. Your legs!
    68. Your touch.
    69. Your smell.
    70. The way your hand fits perfectly in mine.
    71. You’re not afraid to be silly.
    72. Your sense of direction. Especially given how bad mine is.
    73. You carry the heavy all the shopping.
    74. You fetch me Chinese food when I want it.
    75. Your broad shoulders.
    76. You admit when you’re wrong.
    77. You bring me water when I’m hammered.
    78. You ask before showing people videos of me hammered!
    79. You’d catch me.
    80. You always know the right thing to say.
    81. You’re unique.
    82. You treat my family like they’re yours.
    83. You have an amazing way with words.
    84. Life is good because of you.
    85. That you’d never give up on me.
    86. How you look when you’re sleeping – just not the noise.
    87. You send me loving and thoughtful text messages.
    88. Because of the life we’ve built together.
    89. You always find me in a crowd.
    90. You are creative.
    91. You take time.
    92. You give me everything.
    93. The way you never know where things are.
    94. How thorough you are when doing household things.
    95. How particular you are when doing household things!
    96. You let me be me.
    97. How you surprise me with gifts or treats of things I’ve said ages ago and you’ve remembered.
    98. Your powerful arms that know how to hold me.
    99. You are my best friend.
    100. I love you because you are you.

I love you and I’m lucky you are mine.

 

Pics

So, as you can see I like to write something at least once a month.  Sometimes I have nothing I particularly want to say I just like to try and be consistent.

This is one of those months where I have nothing much to say so instead I’m going to share with you some of my favourite pictures that have appeared on this site since it started.  Some mine, some not.

Enjoy.

Thoughts and questions for the next Star Wars

Millennium Falcon
How this ship is still flying is beyond me.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the Falcon and in a few years I plan to own one and do the Kessel run in 11 parsecs, but right now I’m amazed this particular YT-1300F Corellian Light Freighter is still flying.  It seems in nearly every film there is a problem with it in one way or another and the current owner is always looking for parts.  Rey, in the Force Awakens refers to it as a piece of junk and to some extent, although I hate her for it, she’s right.  We first see it in Revenge of the Sith, so this is before Luke and Leia are born.  According to Star Wars lore Luke was nineteen years old when he first boarded the Falcon in A New Hope and was twenty-five in Jedi.  Given that we see the Falcon in SW: RotS and it’s not new then and that SW: TLJ is set 30 years after Jedi that means the Falcon is, at the very least, over 55 years old.  No wonder it’s falling apart!  I love this ship but being realistic, to end everything to do with the current franchise (remember, everything is going – Luke and Han have gone, Leia will be gone by SW: IX) we will more than likely see it’s demise in SW: XI.  I’ll be sad.  I’ll probably cry again, as I did when we “lost” Luke, but so be it.  Sadly I predict we’ll lose Lando and Chewy at the same time.  One thing is certain, the Falcon is still the fastest ship in the fleet.  Why?  Because it’s the only bloody ship left in the fleet!

Talking of Lando…
Nothing has been mentioned about him and remember once the rebels got to that mighty fortress (yeah right!) they sent out a signal looking for back up and no one answered. It’ll be revealed that no one answered because they thought it was a trap – like it always is – but finally someone will pass the message to Lando who’ll say something crass along the lines of “It’s Leia’s secret super special code! We must go to her!”  He’ll be too late, obviously, and there will be a scene where he’s mourning the loss of all three of my childhood heroes.

Talking of the loss of childhood heroes…
Leia won’t be in Star Wars IX.  Rumours are that Star Wars IX will be set anything from ten to fifteen years on from TLJ. During this time Leia could have easily popped her clogs for any number of reasons that can be written in using any story arc. Old age, First Order sniper, getting pissed and falling into the Sarlec pit, anything. The best way to see her off is respectfully and quietly, maybe in the opening scrawl? One thing we can be sure of, because Disney have promised, is that she will in no way be in Star Wars IX. And studios never break their promises do they?

Talking of who else won’t be in SW: IX…
The Death of Snoke.  Remember Luke giving Leia the dice from the Falcon? Remember him touching her? Like physically and all that?  He even held her head and kissed her!  Then remember he revealed during the fight with Kylo that he wasn’t actually there and was using the force to project himself there?  Remember Rey and Kylo touching hands?  She actually tells Luke about sensing the future when she touched fingers with Kylo! So was Snoke really sitting on his throne when Kylo killed him? He sat there spouting about how he can’t be double crossed yet blatantly was. Or was he?  I don’t think he was there.  I think he knew what Kylo Ren would do all along so he was force projecting himself in to that chair.  “So why was his body still there when General Hux was strutting his stuff demanding to know what happened?” I hear you shout.  So he could hear what Kylo Ren said.  And Kylo gave Snoke the perfect opportunity to push him  deeper into the dark side when Kylo asked Rey to join him and rule the galaxy together.  Personally I think we’ll see his return in Star Wars IX.

Talking of Rey…
Her parents.  So are they really paupers buried in the desert? Personally I don’t think so. I think Kylo Ren was just lying to piss her off. I’m not convinced that Luke is her father, which was a belief I had from the Force Awakens, but is her parentage important? I don’t think it is. It would be nice to think they are a key part of the story to hopefully make Rey seem like a more powerful Jedi than she already is but to be honest I’m past caring about this fact. One thing to note was a comment made by Shmi Skywalker about Anakin: “There was no father. I carried him, I gave birth, I raised him. I can’t explain what happened.” If this can be the case for Anakin “Jesus” Skywalker than it can also be the case for Rey. Maybe mother is a pauper buried out in the Jakku desert but daddy is a no show.  Or daddy is someone akin to Galen Erso in Rogue One.  He works for the First Order but not because he wants to but has to.  Or may he’s a waiter in whoever inherited the Hutt’s cantina when Jabba choked in Jedi.

Talking of inheriting…
Admiral Poe?  With Holdo shooting herself into a Star Destroyer and Leia obviously not coming back there’s room up top for a new leader. Rey won’t want it because she’ll be too busy becoming a Jedi, rebuilding the Jedi Order (she does have the books after all) and trying to keep the Falcon in the air, so it’s left to Poe to stand up and do something. Does this mean his X-Wing pilot days are over? Does it bollocks! It didn’t stop President Whitmore in Independence Day and it won’t stop Poe!  I do think we’re going to see massive character development from him in SW: IX though.  We know very little of Poe and other than a bromance with Finn and a technomance with BB-8 he’s had no specific love interest.  With Finn swiping right on the intergalactic Tinders of Rose and Rey he can, because we say so, only choose one, so will Poe get the other?  No, I don’t think so.  Poe will either find his own beau.  Maz Kanata maybe, or Lieutenant Connix?  Or maybe he’ll be the gay character hinted at from time to time.  I’m not including C3PO in that.  Either way I think Poe will become a force (did you see what I did there) to be reckoned with and turn into a major player in the franchise.

Talking of turning…
Turning Finn.  I’m not gonna lie, I can’t abide the character of Finn. I find him useless. I like the idea of Stormtrooper rebelling I just wish they’ve given him more to do and made him more of a key character. Everything he’s done, other than rescue Rose (lets not talk about that!) could have been done without him there. Poe is a genius (yet to be revealed – if ever) and could have got away from the First Order the first time without Finn. Maybe then he wouldn’t have crashed and would have made it to Jakku without a problem. The crap about shutting down the tracker could have been done without him. And now he’s in what appears to be a love triangle with Rose and Rey. Give him something interesting! Make him great! It’d be nice if they tapped into his mind and found a way to turn other Stormtroopers? Maybe in an “Execute order 66” way? Given that he knew what he was doing on Jakku was wrong in SW: TFA could it be possible that Finn has tapped into the much discussed force?

Talking of the force…
Prophecy laid out?  So way back when, in times when Luke and Leia were still just swilling around in the genitals of Anakin and Padme, Qui-Gon Jinn has a meeting with the Jedi Council. He tells them he thinks Anakin is the Neo of the Star Wars universe. Mace Windu actually says “You refer to the prophecy of The One who will bring balance to the Force. You believe it’s this boy?” So Anakin is trained and still there’s no balance because he turns in Darth Nutjob. Before that Padme give birth the twins Luke and Leia and the world suddenly thinks Luke is the Neo yet still the dark side is really fucking tough and there’s still no balance. Now we have Rey so is she the Neo that’ll bring balance? Or maybe it’s the little broom boy on Canto Bight? No, it won’t be him, we’ll not see him again. But, for there to be a balance there has to be a 50/50 split so we need to Sith shit to be bouncing around the galaxy to keep the actual balance there. But do we?  The Jedi know enough about the force and are respectful enough of it to accept that for their to be balance there must be light and dark.  Neither needs to have control just so long as equity.  In SW: TLJ when Luke is teaching Rey about the force he asks her what’s she see’s and she describes it.  She talks about life and death, warmth and cold, peace and anger.  Luke asks what’s in between and she states “a force.”  There’s your bloomin’ balance!  There’s your ending!

Talking of ending...
Maybe it’ll end with Rey and Ren sitting down for a nice cuppa while drawing out lines on a map and decide who rules what. Or maybe they’ll get married? Which would be weird if Luke does turn out to be her daddy but this is a galaxy far far away and who knows what laws they have regarding cousins and wedlock.  Luke said, when he was chatting with Rey over dinner and bottle of blue Beaujolais, that Ren took other jedi wannabes from the temple after he’d destroyed.  Well where are they?  Is this setting up for a spin off?  I feel like the Littlest Hobo theme is gonna be playing as we see a youngling carrying a knapsack on a lightsaber over his shoulder.

No one but the writers can know where this is going, we can but speculate using the information we have at hand.  One thing is for sure though, I’ll moan about the bad bits, rave over the good bits but Star Wars will still remain my number one favourite movie franchise of all time.  Closely followed by Back to the Future, Alien (we don’t talk about Alien Vs Predator or the Promtheshit) and Indian Jones.

Until next time…

More utter shite!

So a “study” has discovered that people who are more attractive are more likely to be accepting of gay sex.

Well, that’s what you’d believe if you’d read nearly every fucking gay news website recently.

They’re a bit slow on the uptake, the report of the study was published in October last year. The reason I think they’ve been a bit slow is because it’s taken them that long to find a way to make the report sound not only like clickbait but also to suit their stupid fucking narrative!

Lets look at one site – cocktailsandcocktalk.com – what’s the headline they give it?

Screen cap taken from www.cocktailsandcocktalk.com

OH MY FUCKING SHIT!!

Even the fucking copy…

A new study has suggested that attractive people are more likely to agree with gay sex, because their looks open doors to sexual opportunities, that in-turn opens their mind. While unattractive people remain untouched, bitter and closed-minded.

Really really good looking! Pic from Business Insider and Paramount Pictures

God damn that’s some positive news for me and my queer mates. Finally, a group of people with the bonus of being really really good looking will accept that I have bum sex.

Oh fuck right off!

All this “study” has done is say “hey, if you don’t like people being gay you must ugly!”  The last line in the intro is particularly awful – “While unattractive people remain untouched, bitter and closed-minded.”  Fucking shameful!

Yes, I know it’s supposed to be humorous but I just can’t find it so because mostly these posts end up being shared on social media for the next fourteen fucking years and people get the wrong end of the stick. Which, given the nature of social media, it’s really goddamn easy! It’ll soon become a case of if you don’t take part in bum sex you must be really ugly!

Oh you, you don’t believe me?  You don’t think it’ll get twisted?

Seen something like this flying around on Facebook?

Screen cap taken from www.independent.co.uk

Let’s look at this blog post, the one you’re reading right now.

So far the following swear words have been used: shite (2), fucking (7), shit (2), goddamn (3) (some people consider that swearing) and fuck (2). And it’s about to get worse.

Well holy mother fucking asshat I must be super fucking intelligent!

There aren’t many of you out there who know what qualifications I have but thanks to this study you now know I’m probably very intelligent because I swear a lot.

Oh do fuck off. Again.

The study that this came from didn’t say anything about people who swear a lot being more intelligent. What it actually said was intelligent people knew more swear words. Of course we* fucking do! Because we know more words! But do you know what, knowing more words doesn’t make me any more intelligent that anyone else. It just means I know more words! Want to know something else – I’ll bet my husband knows more words than I do because he’s very well read. He doesn’t swear a lot. He can’t be that clever. Go fuck yourself! He’s insanely clever!

Look, I’m gonna end this rant now but I want you to remember one thing: These studies are bullshit and you’re better off not only ignoring them but not sharing them either. Regardless of what a fucking study tells you you’re an amazing person. You really are. And don’t let any study or person tell you different. If they try, send those bastards to me!

*See what I did there?

My Film Top Ten of 2018

My cinema visits for 2018 were very much down on last year. Something I will rectify for 2019. That being said, here is my top ten for 2018. As usual, you can disagree, it’s your right, but this is my list and my opinion. If a film isn’t listed it’s possible I didn’t see it yet. Of course, it could also be that it’s shit and didn’t make the top ten.

Before I start with the top ten here’s a special mention for three films. Pacific Rim: Uprising, Tomb Raider and A Wrinkle in Time. These three don’t make the top ten. In fact these three are bottom of the list, with Ocean’s 8 and Ready Player One not far in front of them. Pacific Rim (the first one) was an awful awful film. It should never have had a sequel made. Tomb Raider didn’t need a remake and if it was going to be done it needed to be done better. Wrinkle in Time was a nice idea but still very meh.

Bandersnatch nearly made the top ten but it just wasn’t everything I’d hoped. Bird Box was nowhere near because it was rubbish – and so was Sandra Bullock. The Meg got higher than Bird Box and that was truly awful. Ready Player One got higher too!

So with the crap out the way here is my top ten movies of 2018.

The park is gone.

10. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

When the island’s dormant volcano begins roaring to life, Owen and Claire mount a campaign to rescue the remaining dinosaurs from this extinction-level event.

Honestly, I’m amazed this made the top ten. Rafe Spall, an actor I would usually rate quite highly was awful. Chris Pratt was Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard was Richie Cunningham. The story was the same old shit in every other Jurassic Park film. The direction wasn’t great. BUT, the one thing that gets this into the top ten was the effects. The volcano exploding was brilliant even if it was erroneous, the dinosaurs were great and the location scenery was fantastic.

My score: 6/10

 

Never tell him the odds.

9. Solo: A Star Wars Story
During an adventure into the criminal underworld, Han Solo meets his future co-pilot Chewbacca and encounters Lando Calrissian years before joining the Rebellion.

I’m always going to a love a Star Wars film but I’m also always going to be honest.

Alden Ehrenreich and Donald Glover were shit. Ehrenreich is a great actor but was awful as Solo. I’ve yet to see Glover do anything well. The film itself was a nice intro to Han Solo and it’d be nice to see one done about Leia. I imagine her life, growing up a princess, would be far more interesting that Luke who, as much as I love him, was essentially just a farm-boy who spent his life moaning about things he didn’t do but could have done if he’d have got off his ass. Yes yes, he went on to do great things but as a child I’d have put him up for adoption! Again. I did enjoy this film though, well, as much I as I could.

My score: 6/10

It’s been too long, dahlings

8. Incredibles 2

The Incredibles hero family takes on a new mission, which involves a change in family roles: Bob Parr (Mr Incredible) must manage the house while his wife Helen (Elastigirl) goes out to save the world.

I’m not ashamed to say I very much enjoyed this. It wasn’t a patch on the first but it was still very enjoyable. Edna Mode is my patronas!

My score: 7/10

 

 

 

Destiny arrives

7. Avengers: Infinity War

The Avengers and their allies must be willing to sacrifice all in an attempt to defeat the powerful Thanos before his blitz of devastation and ruin puts an end to the universe.

This could have been higher but it was let down a lot by the amount of CGI. And before anyone moans do this: Watch the film again and pick out each scene with CGI and ask yourself “Could that be done without CGI?” The answer for most of them is a yes. The second problem with this film was, as with any Marvel films, too much Iron Man. Where Wolverine is the be all and end all of the X-Men (or so it appeared), Iron Man seems to be the main character in any Avengers movie. And I hate Iron Man.

My score: 7/10

Embrace your inner anti-hero.

6. Venom

When Eddie Brock acquires the powers of a symbiote, he will have to release his alter-ego “Venom” to save his life.

I remember seeing this get slated when the trailers came out and do you know what, they were half right. It wasn’t a great film but I still enjoyed it. I was a tad pissed off with how Eddie Brock (Tom “my future husband” Hardy) can go from being this brave investigative journalist to an ass-whipped shy character. When losing his job he became a completely different person and I just didn’t buy it. Thankfully he was still just as hot.

My score: 7/10

 

Real heroes. Not actual size.

5. Ant-Man and The Wasp

As Scott Lang balances being both a Super Hero and a father, Hope van Dyne and Dr. Hank Pym present an urgent new mission that finds the Ant-Man fighting alongside The Wasp to uncover secrets from their past.

The first time I remember seeing Evangeline Lilly was in Lost and she wasn’t exactly great. She hasn’t improved much but maybe just enough to make this pairing with Paul Rudd enjoyable. It was a good sequel and a nice tie in with the Marvel Universe. I enjoyed some of the effects and the build-up of the story line. I look forward to seeing them in the Avengers instalment.

My score: 7/10

 

Some missions are not a choice

4. Mission Impossible –Fallout

Ethan Hunt and his IMF team, along with some familiar allies, race against time after a mission gone wrong.

Cruise is of an age where I struggle to see him as the action hero yet in this he was all that and more. The fact that he does all his own stunts still amazes me. He gets slated and belittled by so many yet there is he is making blockbuster movies constantly. I loved all the connections with the other movies and utterly enjoyed this movie. Apparently Tom said if this film did well he’d do more. I’m looking forward to those.

My score: 8/10

 

You think you know him? Well … think again!

3. Peter Rabbit

Feature adaptation of Beatrix Potter’s classic tale of a rebellious rabbit trying to sneak into a farmer’s vegetable garden.

Firstly let’s ignore the fact that I can’t stand James Corden. He’s awful. He’s not a good actor, presenter or writer. Thankfully he’s not the reason I like this film. It’s Rose Byrne, Domhnall Gleeson, the writing and the animation. Domhnall Gleeson is an amazing actor and really takes on each part he plays to its fullest. The story was really well done and the animation was out of this world.

My score: 8/10

 

 

Be the first to see the second coming.

2. Deadpool 2

Foul-mouthed mutant mercenary Wade Wilson (AKA. Deadpool), brings together a team of fellow mutant rogues to protect a young boy with supernatural abilities from the brutal, time-traveling cyborg, Cable.

A film that can do what the first and second Deadpool films did and still become a huge success is a testament to the brilliant writing and acting. Breaking the fourth wall so much but still making the film work is done so well. I sometimes struggle to switch off and become critical of continuity and any failures but I got totally engrossed in to this one, as with the first. I managed to switch off and enjoy the entertainment.

My score: 8/10

All Hail the King.

1. Black Panther

T’Challa, heir to the hidden but advanced kingdom of Wakanda, must step forward to lead his people into a new future and must confront a challenger from his country’s past.

As a stand-alone film or as part of the Marvel universe, this was by far my favourite movie of 2018. I remember walking in very reluctant to like it for some unknown reason – I probably heard Iron Man was in it – but I was taken aback by the graphics, the story, the acting. Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, Lupita Nyong’o, Daniel Kaluuya, Winston Duke, Angela Bassett and Andy Serkis all play incredible roles. Freeman and Whitaker not so much but they’ve never been brilliant.

The choreography of and within the scenes was beautiful. We’re talking 2021 before there’s a sequel and it’s rumoured Michael B. Jordan will be back – I certainly hope so. I loved seeing the characters appear in Infinity Wars.

So this gets my number one for 2018.

My score: 9/10

Films I’m looking forward to in 2019 are:

– Captain Marvel
– Us
– Pet Sematary (I’m not usually a fan of reboots but I like Jason Clarke so I’m excited for this)
– Hellboy (Anything has to be better than Perlman!)
– Avengers: Endgame
– Dark Phoenix
– Toy Story 4
– Spider-Man: Far From Home
– Angel Has Fallen (Will be crap but escapmsim.)
– Kingsman: The Great Game (Taron. My furture ex-husband)
– Star Wars: Episode IX (Obviously!)

Films I’m not looking forward.

– Glass (When will people learn that M. Night Shyamalan is awful?)
– Jacob’s Ladder (This does not need a reboot!)
– The Hustle (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels does not need a reboot!)
– Child’s Play (yet another reboot!)
– The Lion King (More live action shit.)
– Aladdin (Fuck right off!)
– It: Chapter Two (Chapter one was bollocks. Chapter Two can’t be any better)
– Joker (no)
– Terminator 6 (this should have ended at 2)
– Charlie’s Angels (Yawwwwn)
– Jumanji 3 (Dwayne Johnson should not get acting work!)
– Super Intelligence (Melissa McCarthy. James Corden. Hell.)

Happy New Year!

Blown out of all proportion!

Other than the odd tweet or status update on Facebook I’ve been holding off saying anything about the controversy surrounding Christmas songs such as Fairytale of New York and Baby, it’s Cold Outside.

Now though, after a couple of things I’ve read this morning, I feel I need to comment as it’s now starting to piss me off.

Here’s the TL:dr. If you’re getting upset that ‘the gays’ are up in arms over the use of the word faggot in a popular Christmas song then you’ve been taken in by main stream and social media.

No LGBT+ person should get upset or be offended by the use of that word in the song. If they are, well, so be it, each to their own and some people may have issue with that word. As such, it’s with the word not the song they have issue and if you’re one of them I’d ask you to please think about the time the song was set in. Doesn’t mean you’re feelings aren’t valid just that… well read on.

For me the problem is not with the word. If the problem was with the word then we, as a respectable group of citizens, should be joining arms and fighting against any and every scriptwriter who dares to use the word nigger in a movie or TV script. Horrified that I used the N word? Get over that real quick. It’s a word that would never ever enter my day-to-day vernacular, not even as a joke, but if I was writing a script which saw one character hate another based on the colour of their skin then I’d more than likely throw that word into the story.

“But that word is about race and gays aren’t a race!” is a response I got last week, closely followed by a hushed “they’re not a race are they?”

This argument isn’t about race, it’s about the use of a word that hurts us. And to some of us in some circumstances the word faggot has as much power as nigger.

“So, if your problem isn’t with the word being used in the song, what is it?”

Picture this… You’re in a bar enjoying drinks with friends. It’s a bar that doesn’t discriminate but isn’t what people would call a gay bar, it’s an everyday standard type pub . They’re playing Christmas songs and that song comes on. Men and women, in varying states of inebriation, start singing along and this is how is goes:

Ladies looking at men. Usually their partner or the joker of the group. They sing loudly “You’re a bum, you’re a punk,” then the men spit back “You’re an old slut on junk, lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed.”

So far so good. Sounds like a fun night right?

Then the ladies spark up again, “You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy…”

It’s here! We’re at the word! What happens next? Suddenly the men don’t give a fucking toss about singing the female part of song as almost the entire bar rejoices in the gift of being allowed to sing and shout the word “faggot!” without any repercussions because, as most of them know, if you do it randomly on the street at people sometimes the people get upset.

The song continues and the ladies take over again, “Happy Christmas, your arse, I pray God it’s our last!”

So do you see what happened? All these people who claim to be PC, fighters for the unequal and users of the phrase “but I have gay friends” suddenly explode in joy as they holler the word faggot because no one can have a go at them about it. I mean come on, it’s the lyrics, blame Shane MacGowan, he wrote it.

Well go fuck yourself.

THIS is my problem with it. There’s no problem with the song, there’s no problem with the word in that song, there’s no problem with you singing that song and singing that word, the problem is with the fucking enjoyment and twisted minds of some of the people who taking part.

Because suddenly it gives them the power to insult us and what they feel is a right to do it all the time!

“But hey it’s a popular fucking song, stop being so damn uptight, right?”

Well once again, go fuck yourself.

When you’ve spent years fighting to be equal, fighting to have the same rights as everyone else, living under restrictions that make no goddamn sense and that do nothing but hurt you and make you feel like a second class citizen well yes, you can bet your ass I’m gonna get pissed off when you think it’s okay to shout faggot and have no consequences.

“But singing it in the song isn’t me shouting it at you! Calm the fuck down!”

You’re right it’s not, so sing it in the song. It’s fits the narrative and character of the song but that’s where it ends. Sadly for some people the equation goes like this:

If a song is popular and everyone sings it and it has a bad word in but everyone sings that word then ergo that word must be okay so I can continue to use it as and whenever I want.

And yes, I’m not even fucking kidding! It happens! Try being gay and out, from time to time we get called faggot with venom and hatred.

Think of a phrase or word that hurts you. Think of it now. And don’t give me this bullshit that there isn’t one because you’re a grown adult and don’t get hurt by words because I can assure you, there is some phrase, some word that triggers your anger. So, got it, got that word or phrase? Now imagine a room full of people all looking and pointing at you and joyously shouting the phrase/word.

“But that’s a ridiculous scenario, that would never happen!”

You’re almost right. That scenario would never happen, but that scenario is exactly how it feels when bigots – assholes – start singing along to a song many people like, me included.

Main stream media unfortunately knows that sex, intolerance and hatred sells and they know that by tweaking the emotions of an already touchy subject they are going to push people over the edge. And sadly, this is where most people have been taken in. You’ve taken that leap and now you think we’re offended by a song. No, we’re offended by you singing it with such joy and spite, and we’re offended by you thinking it’s okay to carry on using that word afterwards

We’re not offended by the fucking song, we’re not that stupid.  But do you know what, if someone says “Hey, could you fucking not?!” just accept that hearing the word faggot – a word I was called in public only two weeks ago – for some people is enough to be upsetting and you should stop using it.  And while we’re on the subject, stop fucking using it anyway!

Don’t be taken in by the bullshit the main stream AND social media is telling you.  Think about what you’re being told. Does it sound ridiculous? Then it probably is!  Something are 100% gold plated.

 

While you’re getting pissed about that song, here’s a few more you could be upset at*:

All I Want for Christmas is a about an obsessive nut job.
Last Christmas is about a whiny little bitch with no self-esteem.
Good King Wenceslas is about an asshole.
It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year is about supernatural hauntings (and has the word gay in it!)
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer is about murder.
Jingle Bells is about the destruction of farm land.
Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree is about ritualistic dancing.
Baby, It’s Cold Outside is about date rape.
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas is about mental health issues.
God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman is about being bitch-slapped for being bold!
Frosty The Snowman is about witchcraft.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Raindeer is about bullying.
White Christmas is just plain fucking racist!
Santa Claus is Coming to Town contravenes GDPR rules.
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus is about a whore.

*Take a wild stab in the dark about I really feel about those songs!

American Horror Story seasons – A definite ranking

***WARNING*** Some of the paragraphs may contain spoilers.

Last week someone, I forget who, retweeted the Gay Times into my time line. The title was “American Horror Story: A definitive ranking of all eight seasons.” I’m not linking to the article as I’m boycotting Gay Times and Attitude but feel free to search for it if you really have to.

Anyway, in my own true gay style I’m here to say they were wrong. Very wrong.

Definitively so. As they say.

So here’s my definitive ranking of all eight seasons.

American Horror Story Season 2.jpg8. Asylum (Season 2)

Aliens and that goddamn musical number. Nothing, literally nothing, about this season was enjoyable. It felt like Ryan Murphy said “You know what, we kicked ass with Murder House, we camped it up in Glee, lets do a comedy!” Because that’s all this was, a failed attempt at humour and proof that tellyviewing public will watch any old crap. And yes, I’m including myself in that. I mean come on! Chloe Sevigny was in it, who, since Boys Don’t Cry, has totally forgotten how to act!

 

American Horror Story Season 4.jpg7. Freak Show (Season 4)

The last outing for Jessica Lange as series regular and this was not the best seasons for her to go out on. How, for the love of fuck, did this series get twenty, yes twenty, Emmy nominations? That’s the most of any goddamn season! What? I can only assume they all had some connection to Jessica Lange because no one else, I mean no one, deserved anything for the abomination that was Freak Show. Okay, maybe Denis O’Hare at a push but even he seemed to phone it in for this season. You knew the episode was going to go down quicker than me when someone decided Finn Wittrock and Wes Bentley could act.

DVD cover art for AHS Hotel, showing a woman screaming with a key stuck from her cheeks.

6. Hotel (Season 5)

Chatting with a work colleague about this being number six and the conversation went along these lines…

“How can it be at number six? What about Gaga?!”
“Gaga Is one of the reasons it’s this far down, she’s awful!”
“You have to be wrong, she got a Golden Globe for it!”

And that right there is proof that the majority of showbiz* awards are fixed piles of bullshit!

Gaga’s entrance was amazing. The reveal of the character was perfect and everything I wanted from her appearing in a show I’d come to adore by this sage. Sadly it all went down hill when she spoke. Wooden doesn’t come to describe it. People keep telling me she’s amazing in A Star is Born and although I’m withholding judgement as I haven’t seen it** I can only hope it’s true. Mostly because some of the people who told me she’s improved are people who’s opinion I trust and I don’t want them to be wrong.

The only reason this isn’t in last place is because Denis O’Hare does an amazing job as Liz Taylor.

American Horror Story Season 7.jpg5. Cult (Season 7)

This had such potential. Evan Peters as a David Koresh-like Kai Anderson was everything I want in a cult leader. Some nice plot twists, a couple of plot holes sadly but a story most intelligent people could get behind. I say most because sadly I know some intelligent people who voted for Trump but hey, it takes all sorts. The only down side to this entire seasons was Sarah Paulson. I love her. I think she’s an amazing actress. Have you seen her in American Crime Story? Truly iconic. But watching this season of AHS I just wanted to shout “SHUT UP!” at her. Nothing but crying. I’d love to have seen her script.

[Opening credits]

[int./daytime/lounge]

IVY
Ally would you like a cup of tea?

ALLY
[Crying] Waaaaaaaaa! But the cup!

IVY
It’s just tea Ally

ALLY
[Crying some more] Waaaaaaaa! It’ll be hot!

[Ally exits but crying can be heard all the way up until the the closing fucking credits]

American Horror Story Season 8.jpg4. Apocalypse (Season 8)

I love the story crossing over the different seasons. I love Myrtle being back. I love coven being so heavy involved. I got bored by how much time we spent in the past. And there were waaaaaaaaaaay too many plot holes. I can’t say too much more about this episode as it just bugged me that one episode was good and the next was shit.

 

 

American Horror Story Season 3.jpg3. Coven (Season 3)

I loved this season so much. I loved the hype around it, the story line of who was the next supreme and Jessica Lange was so so perfect. Kathy Bates was wonderful but it was Angela Bassett who stole the show. She was so powerful as Marie Laveau. The first thing I remember seeing Angela Bassett in was the Tina Turner biopic*** “What’s Love Got to Do with it” and from that point on I’ve adored her. Even in the that awful Eddie Murphy vampire abomination she was fantastic. In Coven she was stunning. Totally made the show. With Kathy Bates as that racist bitch, Lange as Fiona Goode and Bassett as Leveau the show was a masterpiece the Salem witches would have been proud of.

American Horror Story Season 6.jpg2. Roanoke (Season 6)

The mockumentary style of this season was so cleverly done that this is why it’s my number two. I’m not going to mention Sarah Paulsons English accent other than to say she’d obviously put a call in to Dick Van Dyke and Kneau Reeves. Lily Rabe and Cuba Gooding Jnr were beautiful in their roles and played the parts so well. Adina Porter is very quickly becoming one of my favourite actresses.

 

 

American Horror Story Season 1.jpg1. Murder House (Season 1)

By far this is the best seasons of all. Beautifully written, expertly filmed and perfectly acted. Connie Britten, Dylan McDermot, Evan Peters and Jessica Lange are superstars. Everything about this seasons is perfect. And the plot twists were handled so well. As Brad will tell you I can quite often work out where a story line is going and predict how shows are going to end. Well with this I was stumped. I guessed some of it but not even close to as much as I usually would.

They say the first is often the best and this is no exception.

So there you have the definitive ranking of American Horror Story seasons. I’ll be honest, I don’t hold out much hope for seasons nine or ten, but we’ll see.

 

*Actually most award ceremonies, not just showbiz ones.
**I’m currently refusing to pay to see a remake. Hollywood needs to get it’s imagination back or do some more goddamn research because remaking something, as they are doing often, is getting boring.
***Pronounced bio-pic, not bi-opic!

Scheuermann’s Disease

©Wikipedia

I’ve suffered for years with a bad back.  When I was ten I was diagnoses with something called “Scheuermann’s Disease.”

Wikipedia describes it like this:

Scheuermann’s disease is a self-limiting skeletal disorder of childhood. Scheuermann’s disease describes a condition where the vertebrae grow unevenly with respect to the sagittal plane; that is, the posterior angle is often greater than the anterior. This uneven growth results in the signature “wedging” shape of the vertebrae, causing kyphosis. It is named after Holger Scheuermann.

So essentially it’s growing pains, but a little more severe, and it’s not a disease but a condition.  In most cases it’s gone by the time the person has finished growing, so usually by the time the person is twenty-one years old.  They don’t get any pain and suffer nothing more than the memories of being in agony.

For others it can be debilitating.  One lady I knew who had it was on sticks and sometimes in a wheelchair.  Other days she was bed bound, unable to move due to the pain.

Compared to her I’ve been quite lucky.  I don’t have to walk on sticks* and I’ve never been bed bound.  However, I do suffer with back pain on a regular basis.  By regular basis I literally mean daily.  It’s usually a dull ache but it’s there and it gets to me. It annoys me.  Paracetamol does not remove my pain; it never has.

Occasionally I have days where I can’t lift anything.  Getting out of bed is a struggle because sitting causes me pain but I can do it.  Standing for too long, sitting for too long, laying down for too long… you get the picture.  Being in any position for any length of time can cause me pain.  That length of time can be two minutes, it can also be two hours.  It doesn’t have a set pattern other than it’s painful.  Even then in can be the aforementioned dull ache or it can be excruciating twinges that feel like bolts of electricity shooting up my spine and across my shoulders and make it difficult to lift a cup.

There are side effects of having this condition.

Many with Scheuermann’s disease often have an excessive lordotic curve in the lumbar spine; this is the body’s natural way to compensate for the kyphotic curve above. Many with Scheuermann’s disease have very large lung capacities and males often have broad, barrel chests. Most people have forced vital capacity (FVC) scores above average. It has been proposed that this is the body’s natural way to compensate for a loss of breathing depth.

I have a very slight lordotic curve but it’s not noticeable other than when I’m standing up because it looks like I’m slouching a little.  I’ve no idea if I’ve increased lung capacity.  I know I can’t hold my breath very long when under the water so I’m guessing I don’t have that side effect.  I do have a broad chest but not so sure I’d call it a barrel chest and I’ve no idea about my FVC.

If I do too much then I suffer for it a few days later.

Unless you’ve suffered with chronic pain you can never understand how it feels.  Breaking your leg is acute pain, a headache is acute pain, toothache is acute pain.  Acute is severe and sudden whereas chronic is longterm.  Your acute pain is over eventually.  Your leg heals, your headache goes, your toothache passes.  My pain doesn’t.

People often say there’s no pain like childbirth and I’ve also heard them say toothache is the worst pain.  The pain of childbirth goes and toothache is sorted by your dentist.  Now imagine a pain that is always there.  From the moment you wake to the minute you finally fall asleep.

That’s me right now.  Constantly in pain.

When you go to hospital it and say you’re in pain they ask “on a scale of one to ten with ten being the worst pain you’ve ever experienced what would you say you’re at now?”  Right now I’m at four.  Tomorrow could be a two but it could also be a nine.

Throughout all this, do you know what I don’t need?  Someone saying “Have you tried…” or “This is what you should do…”  I’ve had this since I was ten, I assure you I’ve tried everything you’re going to suggest.

Currently I have back pain.  I also fell last Wednesday and twisted my knee.  Walking in the parade at Pride and standing all night watching over the First Aid and security of the street party has made my knee worse to the point yesterday I was in agony, today I’m in pain.  I’m walking with limp but it’ll pass.  I hope.

Pain in one place followed by pain in another.  One will pass, one will not.  I’m sure someone will have some words of wisdom for me.  They’ll think it’s the first time I’ve ever heard it.  It won’t be.  By this stage it never is.  You’re better off saying “Can I help in any way?”

The only person who ever hears me complain about the pain I’m in is Brad.  I’m keeping it that way.  No one wants or needs to hear me complain or see my sour face.  Thank yourself lucky because once I start I rarely stop.

 

*I have a cane but it’s for my knees, not for my back.

 

Diary

For a few years now I have kept a handwritten diary and a diary on my phone.  My diary is on every personal device I have.

Before I start this entry and what it’s about let me explain something – I’m a massive Apple fan. Nothing you can say is going to convince me that any kind of mobile device is better. And yes, I’ve used others. I’m currently using an Android phone for work and the thing is just way too clunky. Not the phone, the android software. Everything on Android etc is so long-winded. Every Apple device I’ve bought has instantly connected to each other when I’ve wanted it to. And every non-Apple device I’ve bought that wants to connect to an Apple device has connected easily thanks to Apple. Trying to connect a non-Apple device to another non-Apple device is just messy. To get my diary, contact, texts, emails, whatever, I only have to sign in once. I could go on about the wonders of Apple, MacOS and iOS but I’m sure you get the message.

Anyway, after that digression, as I said, every personal device I have has my diary on it.

– Laptop
– iPhone
– iPad Pro
– iPad Mini
– Apple Watch

Yes, I have one of those with me at all times, sometimes all of them at once (like now). You might think that’s a little obsessive but given the various groups I work with it’s important that I can connect when I want to. It’s also important I switch off from them time to time, so I do. I’m not, as some people are, and as some might think about me, addicted to my devices. I was once. I used to check every email the minute my phone dinged. I used to ensure my phone was in my pocket no matter where I was going. Thankfully I’ve changed.

Once again I’ve digressed, so back to the point.

For as long as I can remember I’ve used a handwritten diary to keep up with my plans and appointments. As the new year starts I put the old diary away and keep it for a few years.

For the last five, maybe six years, I’ve kept my handwritten diary and the diary in iCloud (which puts it across all devices). Well I’ve decided I’m going to stop using my handwritten diary. During work I carry my diary with my and it can be a pain in the bum sometimes. I can’t help but wonder why I do it when in my pocket is my diary. I pull out my laptop to do some work and there’s my diary again. Or rather it is when I open it.

I have a strong bond with my handwritten diary and I’m going to struggle to give it up but I feel I have to. Not because I want to “get with the times” as I think I’m already there thanks to Brad, I just want to lessen the load I carry around with me.

This is going to be a challenge. But I’m up for it.

My thoughts on ‘that’ tweet.

Yesterday the tweet below appear as a retweet in my timeline.

 

This isn’t a person I follow and having read the tweet, and some of their others, it’s not likely to be someone I’m going to follow. That being said I, of course, had to comment.

I’ve always been a big believer that everyone is entitle to an opinion but I also believe that opinions are open to challenge. Much like this one.

So lets break down this tweet piece by piece.

As a gay man, I have never been to a gay pride march, nor will I go to one. I despise them.

I’ve been to a lot of them. I’ve been on the committee of three different cities Pride celebrations. I don’t like them all. Yes, I despise some of them. I don’t like Pride events that charge for the main parties or for people (companies, groups, whoever) to march in the parade. If you’re charging then you’ve made it commercial and are no longer thinking about the community instead you’re thinking about the money.

You could use the excuse that you need the money to get the big acts there to encourage more people to attend but why do you? Why do you need big acts? Why do you need people from every corner of the world to attend? Why not make it about your community. If people wish to visit and attend then so be it.

Personally I believe you should be using local talent. Those that need the exposure. Those who will work for a lower wage, if not free. I’m not saying all acts should work for free, people need to live after all and exposure won’t pay the bills, but most local acts, if you ask, will work for the cost of travel and refreshments. How do I know? Because I asked and got the answers I needed.

Lets take 2018 Brighton Pride. £37.50 for a ticket. With approximately 55’000 people in attendance they’re looking at raking in over £2million! For what? To pay a popstar who mimes to strut around on the stage.  Think about the LGBT+ groups who get no funded who could be helped with that money!

This entire event is a commercial entity and no longer about the community. Pride started as a political movement and with the fight for genuine equality still ongoing it should remain just that.

Yes, march down the street dressed in your Sunday best, birthday suit or highest drag, it doesn’t matter. It’s about expressing who you are and who you’re comfortable being when you’re in a safe space, but keep the movement a fight for our rights. Celebrate who you are and praise those who came before us that have helped us become who we are, but remember there are still challenges ahead.

 

I lived through Section 28, it did me no harm.

I lived through Section 28. It was horrible. Given the rest of the tweet I’m guessing the reason it did this person no harm is because they lived a secular life without visiting many of the popular gay bars. This is an assumption and I could be wrong, I don’t know this person so it’s all guess work. I don’t want to get to know this person so it’ll remain guess work.

Section 28 made me a second class citizen. Gay bars had to charge people a membership fee to enter because it was against the law to promote homosexuality, which this was considered. At Alton Towers I was asked by staff to stop holding hands with my same-sex partner. When I refused I was asked to leave. Why were all the male/female couples not asked to leave? They were holding hands too, and that was all I was doing. It was because of Section 28. I couldn’t hold my partners hand while walking down the street and if I did I could be stopped by the police and asked to stop. If that cop didn’t ask me to stop he was breaking section 28 by allowing the promotion of homosexuality.

When at college, for part of a general studies assignment, I wrote about the LGBT+ community and the law. I spent weeks with solicitors and in the courts and libraries researching for my assignment. After handing it in I was called to the principals office and met with him and my teacher. It was explained that I could not submit this assignment because it was inappropriate. No further explanation was given but I wasn’t stupid, I knew what it was. I was given an extension and the opportunity to write something else or not handing anything in at all and thus fail the assignment and not get enough points to get a good grade with the exam. Two days the later the teacher gave me my original assignment back, marked with A and Post-It saying “Sorry.”

Section 28 did me harm because I was out and had a social life that involved more than just sitting at home with friends, in seclusion the way the government wanted it.

 

I don’t force what I am on to others, this doesn’t get you support.

I don’t force what I am on to others. I don’t need to. Walking down the street with my bushy beard people can correctly assume I’m a man. I don’t need to tell them. Obviously, the tweeter is talking about him not forcing his homosexuality on others. Good for him because it’s really fucking frowned upon sometimes. So, again, neither do I. Some might disagree because, as I’ve already said, I go to Pride marches and gay bars. I also work as activist. But I don’t force myself on people. Where there is inequality I point it out and try to do something to change it. As the tweet started with mentioning Pride I’d also like to point out Pride is a peaceful prearranged march. The only force used is when bigots try to stop it. And even then, the force goes as far ignoring them and pushing through.

 

Live quietly with dignity, don’t make a scene & people will support you.

I live quietly and with dignity. I don’t make a scene. People do support me. But when needs must I will make a scene and I won’t be quiet, but I still do it with dignity! Attending a Pride march doesn’t stop any of that.

I get to live like this because of the LGBT+ community that came before me. The community that fought for my equality and my rights. The community that ensured that when I apply for a job they can’t turn me down because of my sexuality. A community that fought to give me the right to walk down the street holding hands with my partner. The community that has done so much to help me.

Sitting quietly is all well and good but why should I live my life in the shadows. If those before you had sat quietly you wouldn’t be tweeting “As a gay man…” because it would have been illegal for Twitter to allow it, and if the giants before us hadn’t fought it’d probably be illegal for you to say it let alone Twitter to block it.

So, you sit back and live quietly in your own self-built safe space while the rest of us fight for your rights. Just remember who to thank.  And with respect, go fuck yourself.

 

And here was my comment on Twitter. Sometimes you wish Twitter had more than 240 characters.

 

Just in case either tweet gets deleted here’s the text from them:

@matthewtoomer: As a gay man, I have never been to a gay pride march, nor will I go to one. I despise them. I lived through Section 28, it did me no harm. I don’t force what I am on to others, this doesn’t get you support. Live quietly with dignity, don’t make a scene & people will support you.

@UrsusRob: As a gay man, I lived through section 28, it did me harm. I don’t force what I am on others. I live quietly with dignity and don’t make a scene. I attend and organise Pride celebrations because someone has to fight for equality so section 28 and laws like it can be ended.

Stand Up Roller Coasters

I am watching a programme about the ultimate ten thrill rides and the people are talking about how on a “stand-up” roller coaster… you stand up! As the human body is used to being in a seated position when travelling then its huge thrill to be stood up – erm I get no thrill from escalators or travellators – or walking!

Anyone who has ever been on a “stand-up” roller coasters will know just as well as I do that you do not stand up on a stand up roller coaster! There is a saddle and a massive chuffing harness.

Things like this piss me off! It’s crap! It’s not right! So why do they get away with saying these things! Imagine you’ve never been on one and you watch this programme. You find out that a roller coaster called “The Riddler’s Revenge” is the biggest stand-up roller coaster in the world and it’s somewhere in the US. You decide it would be your dream to go on it so you save and save and save until one day you have enough money to fly off to the US of A, pay your money to get in to the park and head for the ride! You queue for four years and laugh at the signs tell you you’re 15 minutes from your ride. After clearing up your camping equipment at the last turn you’re finally at the ride and as you get on to your horror you see the one thing you weren’t expecting – a seat!

How angry would you be? I’d be demanding my money back! Actually I’d be spouting off about demanding my money but walk round the rest off the park, queuing for more rides that are going to either leave me with back ache or soaked clothing because I thought I could dodge the tsunami from the log flume and never actually collecting my dosh or telling a manager that it was in fact crap!  Essentially I’ve just done the same as every one else – bent over!

Thankfully I have always found that it isn’t the rides that make days at these place fun, it’s the people you go with.

Sometimes…

…I need a little place to vent my thoughts. I’m not looking for comments or validation and I can’t promise any of my thoughts will be justified by anything other than they are mine.

Hello. Welcome to my world.

Grandfather Paradox

I love theories around time travel. I don’t think time travel will ever be possible. When I’m asked why one of my answers is that if it was possible someone would have come back and told us. This rebuked with descriptions of how time travel will be so heavily policed the no one be able to come back and reveal who they were. This is a nice theory but human nature itself proves that it’s rubbish. In the UK guns are strictly controlled yet people still have them illegally. Drugs are controlled yet people still buy and sell them. Everything, EVERYTHING, that can be controlled can, and will, be abused.

Regardless of where you stand on the theory of time travel one of the stories I love is the grandfather paradox. It’s quite the mindfuck but well worth a read.

A baby girl is mysteriously dropped off at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. “Jane” grows up lonely and dejected, not knowing who her parents are, until one day in 1963 she is strangely attracted to a drifter. She falls in love with him. But just when things are finally looking up for Jane, a series of disasters strike. First, she becomes pregnant by the drifter, who then disappears. Second, during the complicated delivery, doctors find that Jane has both sets of sex organs, and to save her life, they are forced to surgically convert “her” to a “him.” Finally, a mysterious stranger kidnaps her baby from the delivery room.

Reeling from these disasters, rejected by society, scorned by fate, “he” becomes a drunkard and drifter. Not only has Jane lost her parents and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well. Years later, in 1970, he stumbles into a lonely bar, called Pop’s Place, and spills out his pathetic story to an elderly bartender. The sympathetic bartender offers the drifter the chance to avenge the stranger who left her pregnant and abandoned, on the condition that he join the “time travelers corps.” Both of them enter a time machine, and the bartender drops off the drifter in 1963. The drifter is strangely attracted to a young orphan woman, who subsequently becomes pregnant.

The bartender then goes forward 9 months, kidnaps the baby girl from the hospital, and drops off the baby in an orphanage back in 1945. Then the bartender drops off the thoroughly confused drifter in 1985, to enlist in the time travelers corps. The drifter eventually gets his life together, becomes a respected and elderly member of the time travelers corps, and then disguises himself as a bartender and has his most difficult mission: a date with destiny, meeting a certain drifter at Pop’s Place in 1970.

The question is: Who is Jane’s mother, father, grandfather, grand mother, son, daughter, granddaughter, and grandson? The girl, the drifter, and the bartender, of course, are all the same person. These paradoxes can made your head spin, especially if you try to untangle Jane’s twisted parentage. If we draw Jane’s family tree, we find that all the branches are curled inward back on themselves, as in a circle. We come to the astonishing conclusion that she is her own mother and father! She is an entire family tree unto herself.

Some people credit Robert Heinlein with this concept where as others credit Rene Barjavel.

First Date Advice

Although I’m not the most romantic person in the world I’d like to think I make a good impression on a first date. As ‘they’ say you only have one chance to make a first impression. I must have done something right as sixteen years after my first date with my other-half we’re married and very happy together.

With that in mind I’ve decided to impart some of my natural wisdom on to you, gentle reader, with the hope you learn the do’s and don’ts of a first date – I’ve had enough of them so feel like I have some useful knowledge to pass on.

Here goes!

– Try to remember their name. It’s probably the very best thing you can do. The last thing you want to do is spend all night calling a guy Carl only for him to tell you his name is Gary as you’re saying goodbye. It didn’t really matter though as there wasn’t a hope in Dorothy I was ever seeing him again.

– If you’re going to talk about an ex at some point make sure it’s only the last one and only mention him once. No one wants to hear about all of your conquests, it only leads to them saying “you’re actually a bit of a tramp aren’t you?!” and then leaving without me saying goodbye.

– It’s probably best to not talk about television shows. It will lead to one of two things:

1. He’ll not like the same ones as you and never call you again.
2. He’ll like exactly the same ones as you which will lead to you talking about TV shows all night and not finding anything out about each other and he’ll never call you again.
There’s a reason you’re both single remember!

– When you’ve decided where you’re meeting think carefully about the venue and dress appropriately. If you turn up in a shirt and tie for drinks at the local gay bar you’ll remind him of his dad. No matter how much you tell me you’ve just come from work!

– If you write a blog don’t tell him!  In fact try to stay away from mentioning anything on the internet other than funny videos on You Tube. The last thing you want is for him to find your blog two days after you’re written a piece about how he wasn’t the most attractive person you’ve seen, spoke a bit monotone but had a good body.

– If he invites you to stay over it’s not appropriate to assume it’s in his bed. No matter where it is it’s also not appropriate to sleep naked. Especially if he lives with his nan.

– If he’s one of the most boring people you’ve ever met get him drunk! It might not make him any more interesting but it’ll make the night more entertaining. Especially when he starts sobbing about the break up of his last relationship and how it was all his fault for alphabetising the food cupboard.

– Don’t wear an “I’m With Stupid” tee-shirt.

– Don’t start talking about your brothers low sperm count. It doesn’t make for entertaining conversation.

– It is no longer the 1920’s. Don’t expect to have your night paid for! Share all the expense.

– Listen to him when he’s talking. Even if it’s boring the s**t out of you. Pretend like he’s saying something else if you have to but at least make it look like you’re paying attention. If he says “what do you think?” and you realise you haven’t paid attention to anything he’s said then stay silent for a few seconds then blink and say “sorry, I’ve just realised how much you look like a guy I went to school with, do you have a brother?” Once that part of the conversation is over say “Sorry, where were we?” He’ll repeat what he said last and you can answer him. This one really works I promise.

– Don’t bother having an emergency call any more. He’ll know straight away that it’s your brother or best mate and not that you’ve an emergency in the office to attend to. If you don’t like him either tell him or lie your way through the night until an appropriate time to leave! If he gets an emergency call make him feel really guilty by offering to give him a lift or go with him. Lie and say you have experience of the emergency.

– Take mints. Even if you don’t think your mouth is producing some form toxic waste it probably is. Don’t take gum! No one wants you looking like Kerry Katona all night.

– Three sprays of aftershave are enough. One on the wrist then rub your wrists together, two on the neck. Anymore makes you smell disgusting no matter how much of nice fragrance it is and copious amounts of scent will make your neck taste disgusting when I’m kissing it later.

– It is not acceptable to burp or fart on a first date. If you need to do either then go to the toilet.

– It is also not appropriate to vomit unless you have something contagious that you didn’t realise you had.

– If you meet people you know introduce them but don’t ask them to join you. He’ll leave and you won’t realise it until you go to buy a round.

– You may discuss Gaydar/Grindr et al but only to point out how you don’t use it, don’t like it and don’t like people who do use it.  Even if this is a lie.

– Concerts are not the ideal place for a first date. Neither is Ikea on a Sunday, a Warwickshire Ambulance Service station, your nan’s house or Dethick.

– If you’re still married reveal this before the date. Do not leave it until the very last minute as you’re saying goodbye and trying to arrange a second date, which probably won’t happen anyway now!

– Talking about your gap year for three hours is really boring and will not go down well. Pick one story from it, tell it, change the subject. It’s only appropriate to continue if he says “Tell me more.”

– If at any point he says “Tell me more,” he’s getting you drunk because you’re boring and I’m hoping you get more entertaining.

– It’s okay to discuss music. Everyone has differing musical opinions and these are allowed to be expressed. It is not okay to belittle him about his taste in music or laugh at him for liking Robson & Jerome (it’s the people not the singing if you’d given me chance to explain!) It’s also not appropriate to start humming the bridal march.

– At the end of the night do not tell them how they scored out of ten. Unless it’s a nine or ten. If it’s a nine explain in a complimentary manner where they lost a point and how they can win it back.

– It’s best not to have to call your place of work while on your date. You may have to reveal to your date that you’re actually quite incompetent.

– If you start comparing scars and he says “Of course it’s the emotional scars that hurt the deepest!” go to the toilet immediately. When you come back tell him he has nice eyes, even if he doesn’t. It’ll change the subject and you won’t have to deal with any depressing stories on a first date. If he changes the subject back go to the toilet again. This time when you return tell him you had a bad curried egg earlier and need to go home to grab some Imodium.

– It’s not okay to smell his hair. It’ll only lead to me shouting “What the f**k?!” in crowded bar.

– Don’t talk about work for more than thirty minutes unless you have the most interesting job in the world*.

– If you have pictures of your pets in your wallet do not get them out. The same goes for ex’s, parents and cars. Pictures of your children are acceptable but don’t harp on about them. Yes they’re important to you but if you want them to be important him let him get to know you first.

– If he says “I’m going to Spain for a week on business on Thursday, would you like to come with me?” say no. Keep in mind this is a first date! Your second date should not be at an airport as it’ll only involve you paying a fortune to be on stand-by for thirty-six hours before flying home alone after realising on the flight out you can’t abide the guy. You’ll also spend three weeks avoiding him and his calls even though you’ve told him “Yeah, it’s not gonna happen!”

The final and best piece of advice I can give you for your first date is this:  Enjoy it!

It’s a first date and even if its going badly remember you’re out of the house with someone you thought, at first, was worthy of your company. One of three things is going to happen next.

1. You’ll never see him again.
2. You’ll make a great new friend.
3. You’ll end up in a relationship that, even if it only lasts a few months, will bring some happiness and fun!

For legal reasons I cannot disclose if any of the above advice is related to any first date I may have had.

*You do not have the most interesting job in the world.

Greed!

Please stick with this entry, even though the first few paragraphs seem a bit boring and pointless. You’ll soon see where I’m going and why.

Health services around the world will never please anyone. There is always someone who won’t be getting the service they feel they need and to be fair in most cases that is sadly true. An irate patient will then take it out on the individual hospital or health service, blaming them for the inadequacies of treatment when sadly the real cause and blames often (but not always) lies with the people above.

I’ve worked within the health service of two different countries and the main problem with both is always the same – funding!

A health service will put a request for funding yet will only get 75% of that figure – if they’re lucky! Why don’t they get the full 100%? Often it’s because the money just isn’t there but sometimes trust and services are told to see if they can manage and apply for “emergency” funding if needed! Even if they got the 100% it’s sadly not enough. Places are grossly underfunded and under-staffed. They’re under-staffed because they’re underfunded.

Everything boils down to money.

So imagine my anger when I heard on the radio that some damn politician was given government funding of €200’000 to have a new office built, as well as €85’000 for soft furnishings. €285’000 to build an office and make it look pretty. Could find him or her and office to rent for less, and as for furnishing, how much is a desk in Ikea?

Where else would that €285’000 be of good use?

Well €285’000 would be enough to fund at least twenty new members of staff to work Monday to Friday from 10am to 4pm, our busiest time, at the place I currently work. Twenty members of staff for one year. So how about four members of staff each staying for five years? During those fives years the powers that be can work out how they can find them again.

Moving away from my service and looking at a different aspect of health €285’000 would mean ten nurses on an over-stretched accident and emergency department.

That money would fund ten professionals to work full time in the mental health service. Ten doesn’t sound like a lot but divide them up to cover as much area as possible. Can you imagine any health authority saying “Do you know what, we’re good, we won’t take one.” Of course they won’t! Because one more can mean so much.

There are many many other things that the money could spent on that would enhance the lives of thousands of people around the country and I’m sure there is more money that is going into the pockets of politicians who need new cars, beds, whips & chains or just want the money to bank for when they get kicked out of office because the nations suddenly realises what a waste of space they are!

Fucking politicians! They’ll be sorry when they are the ones in hospital and unable to get what they need because the money isn’t there.

Still Small Voice

Sometimes a problem stands before you and gives you the finger. You can’t pass it. You can’t wave it off like you do when others give you the finger, you have to confront it and demand to know why.

So you stand your ground and you shout “why?” You make your demands. You insist on knowing why it is that you are getting this shit when everything should be so right. Eventually the problem backs down and lets you pass but as you walk by you see the look on it’s face. The problem is smiling at you. It’s not a smile you welcome. It’s not a smile that says “well done, you’ve passed!” it’s a smile that says “just wait, you’ll see, this isn’t over!”

You carry on walking and know the problem is staying behind you. You turn and see it, waving to let you know it’s still there and in that split second of acknowledgement, the moment you see the wave you turn your head away from the problem and suddenly it’s not behind you any more, it’s stood in front of you again, telling you that you cannot pass until you sort it out.

You insist it’s sorted and that everything is fine but the problem knows the truth, it knows things aren’t fine, things aren’t great and it won’t go away until you admit it.

You carry on walking only this time the problem stays at your side. It talks to you constantly. Reminding you it’s there. You talk to it. You try and reassure it that everything is right and there is no need for it to stay around but for every answer you give it, it fires back another questions.

Turning, you look back down the road, you see signposts detailing decisions you’ve made in the past and pointing to junctions. You see other problems, lying by the side of the road, defeated, and you look back at the current problem and you know you can defeat it but the look on it’s face tells you that it’s going to be easy.

“I don’t need this!” you scream at it, “go away!”
“Screaming at me won’t make me go away. You need to sort me out!”

You carry on walking with this problem at your side until you come to a junction. You look left and the problem is bigger down that road. You look right and the problem is small but there are more of them. Which route do you take?

While you think about it, you sit down. Sitting down, taking a pause, gives you time to reflect. Time to think about the problem. Time sort it out. Time. Time is often all you need. Time can help and heal. Time can fix. Time gives you the opportunity reevaluate and assess what you need. And while sitting you get exactly what you need. While sat you realise that you’re dealing with the problem.

After time you look around and the problem has gone. You look left and right and see all the problems have gone.

On the breeze you hear a noise. It’s a voice. Vaguely familiar. You close your eyes to try and make out who it is or where it’s coming from and it’s then that the voice becomes clear.

“You’re not moving!” repeats a whispered voice.

Listening closer you finally work out the voice is your own. The problem has gone, now you need to move on.

Pride

It is Pride week.

After last years brilliant Pride but fucked up committee I really hope this one goes off well.

I’ve had a couple of issues with some committee members but personally I think I’ve been a good chairperson. Time will tell I suppose.

The majority of the committee have been great. Very helpful and a pleasure to work with.

Here’s to Galway Pride 2017, and all who sail in her.